The best feeling ever

My kids are growing up in front of my eyes and I love it and hate it at the same time.   When you see your kids every day, you don't notice things like those who don't live with them.  Take my parents for instance, who always comment on how tall my son is getting or some feature that's changing.  Wow it can happen almost over night it seems.   On some hand, I want them to stay small.  On the other hand, I want them to grow up.   

Now the best feeling to me so far as a Dad of a 4 year old and almost 1 is the sleepy time.  My youngest was not feeling well last Sunday so my wife kept him in the service and he slept the whole time.  Holding your kids sleeping is something I like for some reason.  Perhaps its the peace they experience.  Perhaps its because you are holding them still and you know that won't last forever.   My wife was tired of holding my youngest on Sunday so she handed him to me.  I took him and he woke up for a second and looked at me as if to say, "Ok, its Dad" and then he went back to sleep.   That is it. 

Sometimes, I get to do the same with my 4 year old.  He does nap on occasion.  Mostly Sundays.  And most of the time he will wake up when I go get him, but sometimes he will let me hold him.  If you know anything about 4 year olds, they don't slow down much.   When he does it is special.  When life slows down just long enough to take one of the things that you would give your life for if that's what it took for them to live, and hold them the world stops.  Everything else doesn't matter.   Except you and them.   That's the best feeling ever.

What I have learned about situations

In Adoption, the children are called situations.  Kind of odd to call it a situation but that is the term.  My wife and I have friends that are adopting.  They are being presented situations now.   One of the situations is twins to be born in February.  If you just put down 10k and the situation doesn't work out, you won't get your money back.   What?   Now this is odd isn't it?   But is it really odd if you are the one who is adopting for the first time and you have always wanted twins?   This is what my wife calls the red flag.  Now not only is the money a red flag but the time is.   Let me back up a second.   They are going through something that I have talked about before, called a referral agency.  Meaning that this agency points them to many other adoption agencies with situations.  

So the danger in an adoption is choosing an agency and giving them money and that particular situation doesn't work out.   Then what happens?  Well normally, they apply any money toward the next situation but you are "stuck" with that agency for your adoption.  It doesn't matter if your referral agency has plenty of situations available with other agencies because your money is tied up with this one.   Does that make sense?  

So how do you avoid the traps?   Well, work with a good referral agency who is looking for your best interests.   Then choose adoption situations that are due sooner rather than later.  For example, if a baby is due next week and the twins are due in February, then choose the baby due next week.   There is a lot of risk by committing to a situation that is that far out.  The birth mom could take you and then 6 weeks from now meet a local couple that looks perfect for her child.  She could decide over Christmas that she wants to keep the child.  She could find relatives that want to adopt.  You see the issue?   Time is really your enemy.  Oh yeah, it helps to have the time to plan because you now have a due date. However, what are the risks?

This is where you and your wife have to make a decision based on facts and not emotions.   Pray about it. If its the right child then God will open doors.   My second child, we said no before he was born. Then after he was born, we said yes.   And guess what.  He is the perfect child for us.  

God Bless

Joe

The son I never had

Last year during our adoption process, we were presented with a situation for a 2 year old. We talked about it and because my other son was 3, it looked like a good opportunity to adopt an instant playmate for him.  Besides that, he and my 3 year old had birthdays 1 day apart and they both had peanut allergies.  It seemed like God was telling us that this is the one.  The situation looked like the father had full custody and the mother was out of the picture.   We said yes.  The father saw our profile and also said yes.  So we were going to be a family.  We made plans to travel to South FL.  We found out his name was Kevin.   If you know anything about 3 year olds, you start to prep your kids for the new addition.  So he knew he was coming.  The weekend before we were to leave, the father decided to back out because he realized that it was going to be his last weekend to see his son.  We found out on Monday morning.  We were going to leave on Thursday.   That's how close we were.   It was devastating to get that close and then wham.  He was taken away.

You get started for the adoption by wanting an infant.  Then you are presented with situations where you have to say to yourself, "Is this the one?  Can we bend the picture in our heads to be this child?"  This race, this age, this situation with drugs in background.  So we said, yes, I can picture another toddler in my family. But you never think about wrapping your heart around that situation.  It happens before you know it.  Especially when you get this close.  I call this the adoption miscarriage because that's the way it happens.

I prayed and I prayed.  I clung to my wife and we leaned on family and our support group at church.   I asked God why.  In situations like this, you read the Bible and it says everything happens for a reason.  Somehow you know its the truth but what is the reason?  The only thing that I could figure out was that God was telling me to be the spiritual father for Kevin.  Perhaps, Kevin needs someone to be his spiritual parents. He was to be my son forever in my heart.

I wonder what happened to Kevin.   The father wanted adoption for a reason. The father was struggling financially.   Is he making it?   What is he doing?   I can barely write about it today and we have already adopted again.   You would think I would get over it but I can't.

 Adoption is a great thing.  There are good times and there are struggles.   Some of you will probably never face this but its a possibility.  My strength comes from my relationship with Jesus.  I honestly don't know how couples without Jesus can do it.  Where do you find strength?  At least I can pray for Kevin. Because God cares about Kevin and me.  He cares about you too.

God Bless
Joe

Gatlinburg/Sevierville TN suggestion

I mentioned in yesterdays blog that our Referral Agency had a sort of retreat in Gatlinburg, TN.   We stayed at the perfect place that my wife said several times, that we needed this in FL when we adopted our youngest son at the end of last year.  The place was called, The Resort at Governors Crossing.  It had a full kitchen, washer and Dryer, 2 bedrooms and 2 bath rooms with a living room.  They had a DVD in the living room.  Favorite part is that the resort has a water park.  I would recommend it if you are vacationing or adopting in TN.  Link is below
www.governorscrossing.net

We also visited the Circle G ranch.  The ranch is sort of safari when you can drive your car or ride on their vehicle.  They have camels, deer, pigs, petting zoo, camel rides, water buffalo, ostrich, emu, sheep, etc.  Link is below
http://www.ridecamels.com/



how2adopt

Boys will be boys

Sorry for not posting in a while.  We were off to Gatlinburg for a meet with some of the families who used Faithful Adoption Consultants.   FAC is a great referral agency.  They are number one if you ask me.   No familiy with FAC has adopted in longer than 9 months.  You should really check them out if you are at this point. 

So on to the point.  There is a bad habit amongst people to compare boys to girls.  Let me tell you there is no comparison.  Girls are made of Sugar and spice and everything nice while boys are made of other things. I think that everyone has comparisons but the danger is expecting boys to act like girls or vice versa.  For example: a little 3-4 year old girl will probably sit and color for you.   However, the boy could care less about coloring.   Typically little girls will walk before boys.  They just tend to be faster developers.  Now I know there are exceptions but as a rule that is what I see.  Society wants everyone to be in the same boat.   Is that right?  No.  Watch out parents or you will find yourself in the same boat.  Comparing your little boy to that little girl the same age.   Think about that before you take your son in for a psychiatric evaluation.  

That brings me on to another point associated with this.  Comparisons.  We want our kids to be the smartest, the first to talk, you get the picture.  Well, that is fine as long as you let them have fun along the way.   Kids need to be able to be kids.  Stop making them act like adults.   Let them get dirty, they don't need to read a book by 18 months.  That's insanity not educational.  I think sometimes we go overboard on educational material for our kids.  Education is fine.  Exposing our kids to music and athletics is great but the most important part about being a parent is exposing our kids to us.  Especially Dads.   Boys between the ages of 18 months to 5 years of age bond with their fathers.   Remember this.  You'll never look back at your life and say, "I spent too much time with my kids."

how2adopt@gmail.com

Time Out for infants

This may be a strange post but I thought it was a good reminder to us.  In my life and maybe in yours too, you come to the point where you realize that your kids know right from wrong.  Now that's an easy thing to say but not such an easy thing to recognize when you are there on the front lines trying to take care of things.  In our life, it happened not to long ago.   My youngest crawled over to the oldest child's blanket.  Just for clarity sake, let me tell you that this is the blanket that my 4 year old uses to get to sleep at night.  It is literally hanging on by a thread.  He uses it to rub on his face and that helps him to go to sleep.  Well he brought it downstairs and my youngest went for it.  Now he is not trying to hurt it.  He probably wants to eat it.  Well..maybe just put it in his mouth.   My oldest gets in trouble for a lot of stuff.  All of his toys are supposed to magically become the property of him and his brother.  That is a hard transition for a 4 year old.  He has gotten his fair share of reprimands.  So on this occasion my wife tells Ethan, my youngest, "No No."  Ethan is almost 10 months old but he is so smart.  He knows the difference between right and wrong at this stage.  So then he started back for it.  Again my wife says "No No."  So afer that she pulls him away.  After he starts for it the third time, she puts him in time out.  What does time out look like for a 10 month old.  Well it looks like a crib or pack and play.  Baby jail.  

What did that accomplish?  We have come to the point of realizing that we need to be firm with out kids.  What we say, goes.  In this case, my older son saw that he wasn't the only one getting in trouble.  My younger son saw consequences of being disobedient.   Will it stick?  We shall see.

Clothes and Consignment Sales

My church has a two big consignment sales every year.  This week the Fall and there's another one in the Spring.   If you have ever sold in a sale before, then this is a lot of work.  Our sale is computerized, so you have to enter in the item to the online system and then print out a tag and pin it or tape to each item.  A lot of work.  But that brings us to this topic which is clothes for your kids.  We have saved so much money by clothing our kids from consignment sales.  Lets face it.  Kids don't stay in clothes for long periods of time anyway.  You can find great deals here.  For example: we are selling a swing that we purchased at a consignment store for $65.  We are selling it for $25.   Now we have barely used the thing because my son never really took to it.  Now there are Childrens Consignment stores that are chains that you might have in your area such as http://onceuponachild.com.  Perhaps you have sales in your church.  We also have groups that have sales.  In our area, we have a group called the Mothers of Multiples.  This is all about Mothers who have twins, triplets, etc.   They have a huge sale every year.  You might want to check in your area for local sales. 

Let me mention one other thing about kids that you might not think of.  Sometimes we inherit clothes from family members, friends, etc.  Anybody that has a boy or girl may know you are adopting and give you some items.  Take them, you never know.  However, you need to realize that seasons do matter.   A child that was born in October vs a child that was born in May may be off in their seasons.  You may have 0 to 3 months in Winter clothes instead of Summer.   Keep this in mind when planning.  Also note that my oldes was born in May and my youngest was born in October.  But both kids were premies so now the youngest is able to use at least some of the oldest clothes.   You may want to wait a year before throwing out everything to see if there is some overlap.  

Best of luck and I hope this helps.

Checklist for SPD

Newly Diagnosed


This is a Checklist for families parenting a child that is newly diagnosed with SPD (or still flailing about!). It hope it empowers you to manage your child’s Sensory Processing Disorder instead of feeling like it is running the show.



1. Find a qualified, trained, experienced Occupational Therapist.

You may think you already have this step down, especially since your child was probably diagnosed by an OT. But, and this is a HUGE but, you truly need to find an Occupational Therapist that has not only been trained in sensory integration techniques, but one that is currently treating patients with SPD successfully.



There are many things that OTs continue to learn, and having an OT that is focused on sensory integration is key to your child’s ability to get the most out of OT now and in the future.



Did that scare you? That you might go back and forth – to and from OT? A great OT is there for you and your child as your child grows up (shocking to think your preschooler or Kindergartner will ever “grow up” but as it turns out, they will). You may find you go back to OT for many reasons; maybe you need a little help with something specific—like handwriting or social issues. A great OT that knows your child and family will be priceless for the rest of your child’s SPD journey.



2. Establish a Routine immediately if not sooner.

Routine is going to be your new BFF. Making things predictable at home for you and your kid will reduce meltdowns. Plain and simple: Less Meltdowns = More Calm. More Calm = Happier people. That’s the way it works, I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.



Routine means you need do the same thing, every day, at the same time. Don’t freak out. You can do this. It sounds like you are sacrificing a lot, and you are sacrificing the by-the-seat-of-your-pants style of living and parenting you may be used to. But it is time to be more organized – no running to the grocery store after you pick your kiddo up from school. No staying out late at a friend’s house when you KNOW your kid can’t handle it. This is about creating a schedule within the limits of your family. Those limits will get wider as your child gets older, but until then, let’s take your child’s world from being THIS BIG and bring it down to a more manageable this big.

Now, whatever you choose to do for your base routine each day (you need before school, after school and bedtime routines at a minimum in my experience) support your routine with visuals for your kiddo. This is especially important for young kids that cannot read, but valuable for all kids. Post routine schedules for everyone to see – including your spouse! My hubby wasn’t exactly thrilled with my new routine and schedule based living, but when he realized that I felt calmer (knowing there would be less meltdowns reduces myanxiety) and our kiddos felt calmer, he got aboard the Train. Chugga Chugga Woo Woo!



3. Establish your Sensory Diet immediately if not sooner.



Your Occupational Therapist will be your best resource for this to begin with. He/she knows your child’s sensory needs the best and can give you the right tools to use at the right time (we aren’t talking wrenches here, but info, ideas and activities).



This sounds daunting, I realize that. But, when your routine is in place, you will notice patterns of behavior: Every time my kid comes home from school he is overwhelmed and needs quiet chill out time, so I give him alone play time or TV with a heavy blanket (the proprioception helps my kid from getting *too* low); however, when he was in Kindergarten he came home WIRED and high high high, so we put him in a weighted compression vest for 20 minutes every hour until bed. Did wonders. Each kid is different—but they all have patterns.



Once you identify the patterns (journaling their behavior is an easy way to figure it out), share this with your OT and ask for ways to control your child’s “engine”. Once you establish the basics, you will be able to mix up what to do with your child and his/her “Sensory Diet” vocabulary will expand. You will also learn to be creative; a true Master of the Sensory Diet.



4. Find a Support Group.



Finding other parents that get what you are going through is necessary; note I didn’t say “optional” or “a good idea”.



This is crucial to your emotional health as a parent. Being the parent of a special needs child (Yes, SPD counts as “special needs”) means you are going to have a few extra bumps in the road. Establishing a support group early on is essential. And it isn’t just for you to vent, cry or otherwise find emotional support (although you will do those), it is also so that you have resources for tips on everything from school to travel to eating. The members of your group will become your best asset!



Here are some great places to start:



www.sensoryplanet.com– This is an amazing asset for all people, parents and caregivers of sensational children. A true social network of people dedicated to Sensory Processing Disorder. A must for any parent with an SPD kiddo. Don’t forget to make “friends” with the founder Carrie Fannin while you’re there!

www.spdfoundation.net – They have a great national program of Parent Connection hosts that provide in person support in major cities (and some minor ones too!) all over the US. Nothing beats in person support. Nothing.



5. Take care of yourself/Find Respite.

This is an over-used cliche: Take time for yourself. One would think that finding respite should be intuitive–right? We all get that we need some time alone, time away and time to be an adult with other adults. But, as the parent of a special needs kid, there seems to be an endless number of things we have to do for someone else, namely our kid(s), and we leave ourselves last.



Having time to recharge is something that many women think is a luxury–not a right. You cannot take care of someone else until you take care of yourself. As I tell my children, this is NOT a point of opinion but rather a point of fact. No need to argue facts, just accept them (they argue anyway).



Once you accept that you do need respite and you deserve respite you are nearly there! To start with, respite can be just allowing yourself a shower, preferably alone, every day. Or maybe it means you spend the extra hour after the kids are asleep doing your nails instead of doing the laundry.



Finding time for yourself really does make you a “whole” person. You deserve that, and so does your sensational kid.



6. Strengthen Your Marriage.



No matter how much you understand intellectually about the difficulties of raising a special needs kid, you can’t rationalize away the problems that come with it emotionally–for both of you.



Take the time for your marriage. This means talk to your husband, go to counseling BEFORE there are major issues, have dates, talk to each other about each other (and not just the kids for pete’s sake!) and spend time being a couple.



Please don’t tell me you don’t have time for those things or that you don’t need them. Strengthening your marriage is NEVER a bad thing–it isn’t like people say “Damn, my marriage so so strong I totally wasted my time and energy working on it!” Am I right or am I right?

When you have those things in place life will seem much easier. Not simple, not spur-of-the-moment-wine-tastings-with-friends-fun, but manageable. : )



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Adoption Kid Books

During my homestudy, we were told about an adoption book.  The name of the book is, "Tell me again about the day I was born" by Jamie Lee Curtis.   Yes that's the actress that wrote the book.  Very good story and colorful pics.  I would recommend this for your collection.  Here it is from Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Tell-Again-About-Night-Born/dp/0064435814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343994773&sr=8-1&keywords=tell+me+again+about+the+night+i+was+born

Another book we like is "A mother for Choco".  The link is below:

http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Choco-Paperstar-Keiko-Kasza/dp/0698113640/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344341563&sr=8-1&keywords=a+mother+for+choco


Not only are these good books but it tells a story about adoption in a kid friendly way.  Best of luck and please share your favorite adoption book.

Adding a second child to the mix

My wife and I adopted our second child and he has been a joy to watch grow.  I have noticed that he loves his big brother.  One of the pluses to that is that he also wants to do what his brother is doing.  So he was trying to crawl before he had the strength to move.  Ethan would sit there and rock back and forth.  After he had the crawling part down he would start to pull up.   Very determined kid and we can think his big brother for that.

Now that I have told you that Ethan idolizes Aiden, let me tell you everything is not always fun around our house.  Aiden loves his little brother but he also has those moments of jealousy that you never know are coming.  He can love one second and then squeeze the next second.   How many times can my wife say, "Gentle Hands" to this kid?  She has patience, let me tell you.  Trying to encourage him to channel that power for good and not evil is challenging.  By the time, I get home from work, I have one tired Mama to help.  I wish I could tell you that I have all the answers for making two boys into friends but we are not there yet.

We do have a lot of fun though.  Trying to get two kids to the Doctors office or to church is huge.  One of our challenges this Summer is that Aiden is dark complected and Ethan is fare complected.  Letting Aiden have fun at the pool without giving Ethan 3rd degree burns is another Challenge. But we manage.

 Aiden wanted to have his bath with Ethan and that has been fun. My Mom says to enjoy this time and we do.  We try and expose the kids to a lot of fun events.  But it doesn't stop the many days of chaos.

Find a support group

Through the difficult times, it helps to have a shoulder or shoulders to cry on. Let me tell you that we have already been through two adoptions and we still need those shoulders to help us. We find that in our local church. You may call these groups Sunday School classes or small groups. Regardless, they perform the same function. It gives you a group of people to walk through it with you. When we adopted our first son, we met another couple who had already adopted their daughter. They were invaluable to us as support. Awesome couple. Now that we have adopted another one, we need our group to ask about things like, which Pediatrician do you use, how do deal with discipline, what do you think about homeschooling your kids, etc. We don’t have all of the answers. Sometimes, you walk through life and think that you have to know everything there is. This group is not for you to show off how much you know, how much you make, etc. They are shoulders to cry on. Ears to listen and even prayer partners.




I teach our small group and people immediately stepped in to teach, donated bottles, diapers, etc. They were great. And they still are. Let me tell you something else. You may be close to your family. They may or may not support your decision to adopt. Sometimes your family will counsel you the wrong way. Let me explain. You and your spouse may decide with God’s counsel that adoption is right for you. Then you go down some hard roads. Hit a few speed bumps and then your family may step in and counsel you to not go through with the adoption. It’s causing you too much pain. Go ahead and stop. Listen. Adoption can be hard. Adoption can cause you pain at times. When you have your hopes up for a situation and then you are matched, its great. But when you move farther down the adoption road then the birth mother backs out, it can rip your heart out. Trust me. We were 4 days from leaving and got the call that we didn’t want to hear. Kevin’s dad had second thoughts because he realized he just spent the last weekend with his son. Kevin was a toddler. He would have been great for my 4 year old. Instant play mate. That was tough. I won’t forget him. My wife won’t forget him. I tear up thinking about him and I have my second son. When you hit those times, lean on God and get a support group. It will help you.



If you have time, leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

How to Welcome a Foster Child

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Welcoming a foster child into your home can be an exciting and rewarding experience. However, it can also be a challenging and potentially stressful situation for both you and the child. Fortunately, there are things you can do to make the transition safe and as stress-free as possible for you and your foster child.

Steps

1. Educate yourself as much as you can. The more you know about the child and his history, the easier it will be for you to understand his behavior.
   
   
2. Prepare your family for the child's arrival. Inform your extended family members that the child will be coming to stay with you and may be joining you at family gatherings. Speak with your immediate family about their expectations of the foster child and discuss any problems you can anticipate. For example, you may want to speak with your family about any special needs the child may have and how you will be dividing your time between the foster child and the rest of your family members. If you already have children, schedule time with each of them. This will decrease resentment between your children and the foster child, and will help ease the transition.
   
   
3. Be realistic. Your foster child will need to adjust to a new environment filled with new people, places, and policies. These adjustments require time and patience.
   
   
4. Be clear about your expectations. Once the child has had time to get settled, make sure she knows the rules of the house. The clearer you are about your expectations at the beginning, the less likely you are to have problems.
   
   
5. Listen to the child's questions and concerns. It is important for him to know that you care about what he has to say.
   
   
6. Develop a plan to deal with behavior problems. When the child misbehaves, be clear about why she is being punished. Explain why the behavior was wrong and that misbehaving has consequences. Be consistent when disciplining the child. End the conversation on a positive note.
   
   
7. Build self-esteem. Foster children, perhaps more than any other group of children, tend to suffer from low esteem. As such, it is important to encourage them and to help them participate in activities that will boost their self-esteem whenever possible.
   
   
8. Invite the child to family events. Even if she chooses not to go, it is important that that she feels included.
   
   
9. Prepare your house. This is particularly important if the foster child is very young. It is essential that you create an environment that is both physically and emotionally safe.
   
   
10. Help the child create a personal space. Even if you don't have an entire room available, set aside an area of the house (bed, wall, closet, etc). Once the child has seen the space, help her decorate it in a way that is meaningful to him. This will help the child feel at home, and it will give both of you the opportunity to get to know one another better.
    
    

Sources and Citations

• http://www.thechildrenstrust.org/10-tips-for-talking-with-kids-about-tough-issues/788
  
  
• http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/fostercare/living.asp
  
  
• http://foster-care.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/helping-your-foster-child-feel-at-home
  
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Welcome a Foster Child. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Setting your kids up to succeed

As parents we want our kids to succeed in life.  We all have our own methods of doing this.   Some will say that we should send our kids to private school while others try to teach their kids their ABC's by 18 months. Here is what we did.

The first move that we made was to let my wife stay home to raise our kids.  We noticed with my first son that he was going to daycare.  We all know that daycare was a germ factory so he would stay sick.  My wife was spending all of her vacation time at home with the kid who was too sick to take to school.    The other factor was that he hit a bad teacher.  His 18 month teach was fine but at 2, he wasn't doing well in that room.   My wife was constantly filled with mommy guilt that our child was being raised by the day care instead of her.  So we made the conscience decision for my wife to stay home.

The second move was for my wife to homeschool.   I know there various "Schools of thought" pardon the pun, for homeschooling vs public school.  As a matter of fact, we live in a great school district.  However, for our case, my 4 year old was diagnosed with Sensory Processing.   This means that he doesn't function well in groups.  In order for him to get an education at a pace and in an environment that he can succeed, we decided to home school him. 

The third move was for us to have him see an OT for his sensory in order to address his needs.  He was a little behind in his motor skills and especially in dealing with groups.   The OT would address both of these.  Some people have argued that he could get the help that he needs for OT from the school system.  We did talk about that as a couple.  What is best of Aiden.  For us, we found out his OT was sought after from all over the state of GA.   We also didn't want him "Labled" by the school system.

Maybe your child is gifted at sports, so you are opening doors in that area for your kids.  Perhaps, your child is gifted as a dancer or in music and you are encouraging that area of their life.  These are things that we do to set our kids up for success.  The secret is not to obcess over their acheivements.  We don't want to be a "helicopter parent" where we smother our kids.  We also don't want to become those parents that get into fights at ball fields because someone yelled something that we didn't agree with. Try and set the best example for your little ones. 

Pray for them.  Especially you future adopted parents who are waiting.  Smother your kids in prayer and not activities.  They need more of you.  Prayer works.  God is listening so let him know your requests.  I ask him to protect my family every day.  And so should you.

God Bless
Joe

A Miracle Inside the Aurora Shooting: One Victim’s Story

My Comments::
Here's an amazing story.  Its not about adoption but it made me think of the amazing story of both of my boys. Let me tell you that I am a Christian and you don't have to be one to adopt but it sure helps you ride out the ups and downs that they tend to be sometimes.   God has been so good to me and my family. 
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Author’s Update (7/24/12, 13:26): Petra was moved from ICU yesterday. She continues to improve. Please keep praying. Far less importantly, the Comment section has been closed. Why? Since this web site went up Sunday afternoon, the amount of traffic has gone viral, averaging about 71,000 hits per hour. This means that the comments traffic has been overwhelming, and beyond our ability to keep up with. By far, most comments have been wonderful and supportive. God bless you all. All kinds of ideas and thoughts have been posted: thankful, angry, sad, questioning, amazed, rude, kind, and insightful. The world is filled with people who see this tragic event from different perspectives. I am thankful for all of you who commented, whether you agreed with my world view and faith perspective or not. We have been forced to think and reflect–a very good thing. I hope the dialogue continues in other venues.




At Columbine, I have seen this before. But not up close. As a church pastor in Denver, I have worked as a chaplain alongside several police and fire departments. I was privileged to counsel parents just hours after the Littleton Columbine shootings. However, in this new tragedy at the Aurora Theater Dark Night shooting, one of the victims was a 22 year old woman from my church, Petra Anderson (pronounced Pay-tra). Petra went to the movies with two young friends who are biking across America. You and I have been inundated with news about what happened next. A joyful movie turned into bloody, unbelievable chaos. Petra was hit four times with a shot-gun blast, three shots into her arm and one bullet which entered her brain. This a bit of Petra’s miracle story.



With awesome people from our caring and pastoral team, I spent all day Friday in the ICU with Petra and her family. Her injuries were severe, and her condition was critical. A bullet had entered Petra’s face through her nose, and then traveled up through her brain until stopping at the back of her skull. The doctors prior to surgery were concerned, because so much of the brain had been traversed by the bullet. Many areas of brain function were involved. They were hoping to keep her alive long enough to get her into surgery. The prognosis was uncertain—if she lived, Petra might struggle with speech, movement, and thinking due to considerable brain damage. With Kim, Petra’s mother (who is in the final stages of terminal cancer), we simply cried, hugged, and prayed.



It is pressed into my memory now. Motion and emotion…



Other families come and go into the ICU waiting room. Some sit with us, and we talk. Others are visited by doctors with “Family Advocates” in tow. The families listen, sob, and then are moved like stunned cattle to a more private space to grieve. We pray. Petra is finally taken into surgery, using two different surgical teams. One team of neurosurgeons will open up the back of her skull to remove the bullet and clean up brain damage as best they can. Another ENT-specialty surgical team will then work through Petra’s nose by scope to follow the bullet’s path up into her brain. Their hope is to remove bone fragments, clean up damaged brain tissue, and reseal her brain to reduce infection.



If you have lived any of your days in a hospital waiting room, you know how long the enduring process is. It has a woeful pattern to it. Sit. Walk. Grab a drink. Sit. Walk. Answer a phone call. Sit. Walk. Hug someone. Sit. Talk to the FBI. Sit. Pick at the food. Sit. Walk. Go down the hall, but not too far because you’re afraid to miss something. Back. Hug. Pray. Sit. Sit. A picture of a five year old waiting for next Christmas from January 1st comes to my mind. FOREVER. Only this feels worse: a heavy forever, with no promise of presents, Santa, or good news at the end.





—Petra Anderson and her world class violin.

After the waiting drags for over five hours, tired doctors and nurses spill back into the room, one or two at a time. I look for “Family Advocates” but can find none. I exhale. The doctors update us: “It went well, and she’s recovering now. We found very little damage to the brain, and got the bullet out cleanly. It went better than we hoped for.” Each brings a warrior’s smile, and a bit of information—information that we turn into hope as we regurgitate it over the next hours. Still, the medical team remains professional and reserved, “Something might still go wrong. We just need to wait and see if she makes it for the next 48 hours.”



Tears and thank you’s abound. We are so thankful for these men and women. We hug. Everyone hugs. Then, round two. Sit. Wait. Pray. Fully dressed people cuddle into small snails and try to sleep on the floor. Some are shuttled to a room donated by the Holiday Inn across the street. Thank you, Lord, for every little thing. We sit. We pray. “We’ll understand better tomorrow.”



Petra is moved back to ICU. She looks, surprisingly, wonderful. With a small hole in her nose, and her arm wrapped, she almost looks uninjured. She is medicated and sleeping when I come to visit her on Saturday. I sit, talk, and pray quietly with Kim amid the darkened room, lit by glowing medical screens and power switches. Nurses, like quiet soldiers posted on guard, come in, march attentively through the machines, and go out. These men and women really care. Finally, one of the surgeons comes in to check on Petra. He has had some sleep, and looks more like a movie star this time. As Petra sleeps, he retells the story of the surgery, and we ask questions. The doctor reads the perfect script, as if he is on Hallmark Hall of Fame. He fills us in on the miracle. Honestly, he doesn’t call it that, he just uses words like “happily” and “wonderfully” and “in a very fortunate way” and “luckily” and “we were really surprised by that.” Kim and I know a miracle when we see it.



It seems as if the bullet traveled through Petra’s brain without hitting any significant brain areas. The doctor explains that Petra’s brain has had from birth a small “defect” in it. It is a tiny channel of fluid running through her skull, like a tiny vein through marble, or a small hole in an oak board, winding from front to rear. Only a CAT scan would catch it, and Petra would have never noticed it.



But in Petra’s case, the shotgun buck shot, maybe even the size used for deer hunting, enters her brain from the exact point of this defect. Like a marble through a small tube, the defect channels the bullet from Petra’s nose through her brain. It turns slightly several times, and comes to rest at the rear of her brain. And in the process, the bullet misses all the vital areas of the brain. In many ways, it almost misses the brain itself. Like a giant BB though a straw created in Petra’s brain before she was born, it follows the route of the defect. It is channeled in the least harmful way. A millimeter in any direction and the channel is missed. The brain is destroyed. Evil wins a round.



As he shares, the doctor seems taken aback. It is an odd thing to have a surgeon show a bit of wonder. Professionally, these guys own the universe, it seems, and take everything in stride. He is obviously gifted as a surgeon, and is kind in his manner. “It couldn’t have gone better. If it were my daughter,” he says quietly, glancing around to see if any of his colleagues might be watching him, “I’d be ecstatic. I’d be dancing a jig.” He smiles. I can’t keep my smile back, or the tears of joy. In Christianity we call it prevenient grace: God working ahead of time for a particular event in the future. It’s just like the God I follow to plan the route of a bullet through a brain long before Batman ever rises. Twenty-two years before.



While we’re talking, Petra awakes. She opens her eyes, and sits up, “Mom.” Movie-star doctor spins to grab her, to protect her from falling. The nurse assures him she’s been doing this for a while. He talks to her, and she talks back. He asks questions, and Petra has the right answers. “Where do you hurt, Petra?” “All over.” Amazed, but professional, he smiles and leaves the set shaking his head. I am so thankful for this man.



Petra is groggy and beat up, but she is herself. Honestly, I look worse before my morning coffee. “I’m thirsty,” she proclaims.



“You want an ice cube, honey?” Kim replies.



“Please.” Wow. She lays down, back to sleep, a living miracle who doesn’t even know it yet. Good flowering out of the refuse pile of a truly dark night. “Thank you, Jesus,” I whisper.







Petra, you are amazing. Kim, you, too, are amazing. I am so proud of you both. But God, you are in a league of your own. (Duh.)



There is much ahead. More surgerys. Facial reconstruction, perhaps. And for Kim, chemo therapy to stretch every moment out of life. But life remains.The ending is yet to be written for this family. One final note: I am told Petra will take her first steps today. Time for the miracle to go for a walk.



Kim and Petra need our help. For more on the Andersons, or to help with their medical costs, please visit here. This is a great site.





More information about supporting Petra Anderson and other shooting victims is also available at Hope Rises:

Circumcision

My son was born in October of 2011 and he was premature so he stayed in the NICU a while.   While he was there they asked us if we wanted him to be circumcised.  It was going to cost around 4-600 bucks so it wouldn't be covered by medicare.  I rationalized that this might keep him in the NICU longer and after paying of the adoption, we weren't exactly in the money if you know what i mean.  So I said no.  Well that was a big mistake.  Here's why.  You have to wait 6 months to do the procedure now if it isn't done in the hospital.  So lets talk.  Your pediatrician can't do the procedure.  A Urologist has to do it.  Now we have received a bill for $209.36 for my wife to drag my toddler and the 8 month old to the Urologist to be seen for all of 5 minutes.  On top of that, they want us to go in for a "Pre Op" which is essentially paperwork.  Guess how much that is going to cost.  I"m thinking $209.36.   The procedure itself is going to cost $500 and i don't even know if we are going to get a bill from the Anathesiologist yet.  I'm guessing yes and I'm guessing its going to cost more than $209.36.  Are you hearing me here?   That's $900 so far.   If hind sight was 20/20. 

Learn from my mistakes.  Get R Dun at the hospital.

PS>>Procedure complete.  First bill to Insurance company in addition to the 900 bucks above is $4,000..The Saga continues.

The routine

I've decided that I need to be more positive today and talk about something that as parents, makes our lives easier.  Its called a routine.  And in the beginning, the baby will will show you what the routine will be.  But the quicker that we can create a routine, the better off you will be.  And this goes for toddlers too.  Let me explain.   Lets talk about our routine for bed time.  Every night we typically watch a movie and give the toddler some popcorn.  When its time for my 4 year olds bath, he can get a popsicle.  He calls it a stick.  So he gets his stick and I go and run the bath.  He gets in and has his stick..We get him dressed after his bath.  We keep his closet light on and crack the door.  The Vaporizer is running.  Then we read him a story, pray and he goes to sleep.  Sounds simple doesn't it. 

The 8 month old also has a night time routine.  He gets his bath and then gets dressed.   We give him a bottle and then rock him to sleep.  The vaporizer is also running.  We try to make this around the same time every night.  When we break the routine like we go swimming and miss the movie.  The routine is broken and he doesn't like it.  It is still a good thing to have that routine because he knows what is expected of him at that time.  He knows what is coming and most of the time, there is little stress.

Hope this helps

ICPC rant

Yesterday, I talked about ICPC and how it works.  Todays post is.  What is the purpose of the ICPC rule that states that you can't take a baby across the state lines.  Lets look at it this way.  You have gotten the state to check your fingerprints.  The FBI has checked your fingerprints.  Someone has checked your home.  You have verified any issues with guns, swimming pools and septic.   You have gone through the sexual offender list.  In GA, we even check your 911 records.  So what is the purpose of this point.  Is it good for the child for them to live out of a hotel?  Is it good for my wallet to live out of a hotel?  Is it good for your other kids to live out of a hotel?  Was that hotel checked for guns, swimming pools and septic?  For crying out loud, there could be a sexual offender living next door.  You still haven't finalized yet so whats the purpose of not letting you go home?  Alas, I don't know.  So I will obey the law and live free.

Thanks for my rant.  And now back to your regular scheduled programming.  Tomorrow, we will talk about circumcisions.   A decision that you might not think about for your new son but you may want to know for your next adoption.

God Bless

ICPC check list

So my wife and I adopted from Florida and my son was in the NICU so we spent a lot of time there.  There is something called ICPC which I talk about in my ebook which basically means that after you adopt, you have to let the Adopted from state shake hands with the state where you live to say that it is ok to bring that baby across the state border.  And by the way, this could be up to two weeks.  We are from GA but adopted from FL.  So after my child was discharged from the hospital, the ICPC clock started ticking.  You can go anywhere in the state so my wife and I started for Pensacola which is about an hour from family that live in AL.  Let me tell you that it seemed like eternity and everyone seems happy to have you wait in their state.  Here's some things to look out for. 

#1)  Plan for where you will buy the formula.  You are staying in a city and you need to know where you can find the formula you need.  In our case, my son was on the Similac Neosure brand.   We couldn't find this in local grocery or Wal Mart and they didn't have a Babies R Us in Pensacola so my family brought us some from AL.  Keep this in mind.
#2) We thought it would be great to stay at an Extended Stay.   I'm away from home and may need a fridge, stove, etc.  what a great idea.  Wrong.  The one in Tampa and Pensacola reeked of odor and I nor my wife felt safe there.  I think they keep all of the just release convicts in this place. 
#3) If you have time, maybe you should look at a house.  Renting houses especially in vacation areas are great options for families.   The only catch is that as adopted families, you may not be able to "Plan" for the trip.
#4) For hotel dwellers, see if they have a crib or pack and play for you.  We stayed at a Wingate and they did have it available.  So did the Holiday Inn Express.
#5) Don't forget the Car seat.   Most rental car agencies will rent them or if you drive, then you can bring your own.
#6) Don't cross those state lines.  Chances are nothing would happen but you would be breaking the law.  At this point, that may not fare well with the judge at finalization.

Doctors don't know everything

When my oldest son was born, we brought him home and had him go get his first checkup with the Pediatrician.  They ran a battery of tests on him and one of them had blood work where they had to send that off to the lab.   When the lab came back two weeks later, they called my wife and told her, you need to get your son to the hospital. He has hepatitus and he will be in the hospital for two weeks undergoing treatment but if you don't leave now, he will die.   How is that for a wake up call.  The last thing that an adoptive couple wants to do is for their kid to die so we left for the hospital.  We took him to the Dr and they poked and prodded him, took blood every night and did I mention that he was a premie.  He was around 6lbs at this point.  For a Dad that was hard.  A Dr came in the room and I asked her, "Why do you have to take blood from him every night?"  "Why can't you just take the blood you have and run multiple tests with it?  He doesn't have that much to give."  Her answer was, "We can always give him a transfusion"  

Parents, listen up.   Doctors don't know everything.   Ask questions.   I wish I would have asked more questions up front.   What tests are you going to run?   When will you get the answer from that test?   What additional tests will you run?  Don't let Doctors dictate treatments for your kids. Oh by the way.  My son never had Hepatitus. It was a False positive as the Dr would say.

On another occasion my wife took my son to the Emergency Care and told the Dr that he had been exposed to kids with Strep.  Oh Maam, children don't get strep, he said.  He ran some tests and sent him home.   A day later, he was getting worse.  She took him in to the Pediatrician.  We want to test him for Strep.  Well Children don't get strep.  Guess what.  The test came back positive for strep. 

Learn from our pain people.  Maybe one day, we will talk about what I think about innoculations.

God bless
Joe

Adoption Risks

You have decided to adopt and there's a lot on the line.  You have put your heart out there in anticipation of the adoption.  You and your husband may experience emotional ups and downs.  To add to it, there's the money.   Adoption is a huge financial hurdle.  Lets talk about that hurdle for a second.   Most couples pay a fee for your application.  Then you pay for the fee of the home study.   Then your next purchase is the fee for the adoption.  And then some agencies factor in birth mother fees to pay for the birth mothers rent, utilities, etc. while she is pregnant.  

NOTE: Some agencies call the birth mother expenses "At Risk" money meaning you will lose that money if the birth mother backs out. 

Obviously you need to protect your money because for some couples, its all they can do to pay for one adoption without some it being "At Risk".   Let me tell you what we did for our second adoption.   We started out using an agency where the fees were going to be around 15k and they provided everything for that fee.  You only paid that when you were placed with the child.  When that happened there was no risk.   However, they were very slow and we found out they weren't very good at managing their cases.  So as a result we went to a referral agency. 

NOTE: I talk about Referral agencies in my ebook.

We paid this Referral agency a fee but she was plugged into many adoption agencies who have children available for adoption.   For real, there are agencies with not enough adoptive families out there.  Strange isn't it.  But there is.  We went through several matches that didn't work out.  If we didn't have our referral agency though, when the match was made, we would pay that new agency our money.  Then when the match doesn't work out, they don't pay you back.  You are "Stuck" with their agency at that point.  The secret is to not pay until you have the child.   Ask that question up front.  When will I pay the money?  On Match or on placement.  In  our case, the referral agency fees were well worth it because not only did she provide us with a situation, she was our advocate throughout the process until placement.  

God Bless you
Joe

Two faces of Sensory Processing Disorder

Every month my church asks the preschool parents to help out in our childrens class.   My wife and I had our week yesterday.  We had a new little girl that had started coming to church a couple of weeks ago.  She came into class and looked like she was going to cry which is normal for girls her age.  However, over time, she still appeared sad throughout the entire class.   She had a purse that was made of that trim that goes around blankets.  I don' t know the name but its soft to the touch and looks sort of like shiny silk.  She would rub that on her face.   Now that my son has Sensory processing, you can see it in others.  This is typical of how the girls react to Sensory.

My son gets into class and he wants to touch.  He hugs the other kids.  He is loud and when the group has to sit down, he can't seem to concentrate.  He is ansi. While the little girl retreats inward, my son explodes outward.   He tries to wrestle.  He runs. He screams.   Those are the two extemes of this issue.  I hope it helps you understand it more. 

Please let me know your thoughts, comments or email privately at how2adopt@gmail.com

Checklist for Foster Care

These are some of the items that you need to consider before providing foster care for the child.

1) Have you attended the orientation class?  If not, call the office and get on the roll.  If they don't contact you later or let you know when the next class is scheduled then call back.  Its the government and they are busy.
2) If this is something you want to consider then have you signed up for the training classes
3) Are you prepared to keep the child in your home?  Do you have space?   Do you have the fire extinguisher, smoke alarms, fire ladder for 2 story homes?   Do you have a bedroom?
4) Children need to be transported to any meetings with the birth parents, therapy, etc.  Do you have the time and transportation?
5) Do yo have an ear?  They won't open up at once but they will need an ear.  Talk with them. 
6) Are you ready to let go?  No one guaranteed you the child.  The birth parents can always work the plan.

NOTE: There is help for foster families.  Our area has a clothing/toy shelter that is open to the kids.  There are also discounts for food at local restaurants.   You may also get plugged into a group of foster families that can provide some support. 

Raising a child with Sensory Processing

My oldest son has Sensory Processing and I had a posting yesterday that talked about what that was like.  He is very active and its hard to tell if you have a boy or if you have a boy with some kind of issue.  Do yo know what I mean.  All boys are active but sometimes especially when they are younger, you wonder what he will grow out of and what he won't.  Well my wife went to an adoption conference and one of the speakers mentioned the Sensory processing and then on the way home from the conference, she was talking with a friend who was also explaining it to her.  Not long after that, someone at our church mentioned that an OT was coming to the school that meets at our church and was offering free screenings.  That's when she told us he actually had the Sensory Processing issue. 

It was like, God was opening up doors for us to diagnose our son.  It was alarming and a relief all at the same time.  He is going to that OT now and we are seeing some baby step improvements.   She is focused on his motor skills first and hopefully next she will turn to helping him deal with group settings.  Because let me tell you, Vacation Bible School was not the best situation for my son.  Life is not easy.  Sunday School is his weekly group setting and he does well in there because the teachers look past some of the issues like not participating in the groups.  He is surprising us now and joining at his own pace.  Again baby steps.  Other times its one step forward and two steps back.   We are hanging in there.   My wife stays home with him and we are home schooling him this fall.  That way we can help him learn the "Hands on" way and that will hopefully help him stay up with his grade level.  We are also holding him back a year.  He just needs it right now.

You will get glances at times because everyone doesn't understand why your kid can't behave.  You will face some hard days.  Understand what your childs limits are and try and adapt.  Get a support system.  You will need it down the road.  Talk about it with your spouse.   Home Schooling might not be a choice for you but you need to get involved in the choices that are made for your child at their school.  Educators don't always have the answers or the plan that can move your child down the road towards his full potential.  I have a friend with child that is in the "Autistic Spectram" and his trip in the public school system was left with him falling more and more behind because he was in better "shape" than some of the other kids in the special needs class. 

I would love to hear your comments on this topic. 
God Bless

How to Care for a Sensory Child (with pictures) - wikiHow

Adoptive Children tend to be prone to Sensory Processing Disorder so I wanted to share this article with you.

How to Care for a Sensory Child

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

A sensory child is someone born with severe sensitivity to touch, taste, sound, and smell. This occurs when the brain has difficulty processing sensory information. Touch gives the most prominent discomfort while being particular about certain textures and such things related to feeling. Because of this, most sensory children visit an Occupational Therapist each week in order to be rehabilitated to a state where the child can function in a normal society. This instruction manual will go through steps that explain in detail how to handle these children in the most appropriate way possible, particularly during treatment. Often, these children throw tantrums when put into unpleasant situations. Therefore, it is necessary to take therapeutic precautions. This allows the child to eventually stop throwing fits and also ensures the therapy session will proceed smoothly. The purpose of this manual is so that the Occupational Therapist/Parent will be able to effectively care for the child and allow them to develop and function normally in society.

Credentials:

Steps

1. Make certain that your child is receiving proper care. In order to do so, you will need to make sure to acquire as much knowledge as possible about Sensory Integration Disorder. Each child is unique, so take this into consideration while handling them, or delegating responsibilities to an Occupational Therapist. You must understand that your child is not going to grow out of it. Therefore, the first step is to seek out the best treatment possible. Many good Occupational Therapists research techniques that are exclusive to their patient’s behavior patterns.
   
2. Work with your child at home on a daily basis. It is not enough to only rely on the Occupational Therapy to rid your child of this disorder. With your Occupational Therapist, develop effective strategies that are distinct to your child that can be performed/practiced at home or at therapy. Suggested Sensory Activities Include:
   
   
   
   • Activities with textured objects such as play-dough in order to develop normal tactile processing.
     
   • Vestibular movement activities.
     
   • Aromatherapy techniques so that the child’s sensitivity to smell can be reduced.
     
   • Language activities such as flash cards to pronounce words.
     
   • Heavy work activities so that their bodies will develop an ability to receive regular input to their muscles and joints.
     
   • Sleep programs. Most Sensory children have a hard time calming down to go to sleep. Therefore, the child may need help. It is necessary to sometimes comfort the child.
     
   • Play tunnels and tents are helpful to work on motor coordination. It is also helpful to include textured items inside the tunnel.
     
   • Deep pressure activities to help the child control their excitement/arousal level. This may include a ball pit.
     
   • Auditory activities.
     
   
   
3. Continue the therapies and activities throughout the development of the child’s life. Also, because these children are sensitive to many things, they can often become upset. In order to properly handle them, one must be extremely gentle. There are a few approaches to this. A parent, guardian, or occupational therapist can choose to ignore the bad behavior and let the child calm themselves, sternly, but non-aggressively reason with the child, or try to comfort them.
   

Tips

• Keep snacks or objects of the child’s interest (Figure 1) nearby in order to calm/reward the patient.
  

Warnings

• In order to handle a child who is having a tantrum, it is necessary to be aware that he/she may be violent. The child may swing their arms which could potentially harm an individual. Please take the precaution of expecting to put up a fight. Make sure that you do not harm the child who is throwing the tantrum. Be gentle with him/her by using a soft voice and tender physical contact.
  
• Keep the child away from sharp corners or dangerous objects, and near soft furniture or mats.
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Care for a Sensory Child. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Noise is your enemy

My first son has a problem with nose bleeds.  So we run a cool mist humidifier in his room at night and that helps him.  The best part about the humidifier is also the white noise.  Since his room is on the front of the house, he picks up a lot of street noise.  The hum of the humidifier helps cut some of that noise out.   There' nothing worse then getting your child down for the night and the neighbor with the motorcycle or loud car wakes him up.  When he was younger we played classical music which also does the same thing. Think about this especially if you live in a high traffic area or if you live in an open plan where the adults want to watch TV and you need something to "Drown" it out. 

Adopting infants through Foster Care

So you want to adopt an infant through foster care.  That's a touchy subject and here's why.   The foster system is filled with children of all ages.  The hardest kids for the Department of Children Services to foster is the older kids. And conversely, the easiest kids to find foster homes for are the infants and younger children. That's the problem that we have to overcome.  Is it doable?  Yes it is.  Here's how.

The first thing to realize is that the kids that are going to be available for adoption are the older kids.  So if you want to adopt an infant, then you need to get in the foster to adopt program.  So you have to attend the orientation, then the training classes (for us it was 7 weeks), then you wait to go active.  After you go active, remember that you are in charge of who you take into your home.  You may need to check in periodically to ensure that you are on their roadmap.  Keep in mind that this is foster care.  You may be presented the baby that supposedly is not available for adoption and then they end up being available.  You may also be presented a baby that has a good potential of being adopted and perhaps the birth mother works out her plan and is reunited with her baby.  You have to keep that in the back of your mind throughout the process.  There are no guarantees here. 

One thing you may want to keep in mind is sibling groups.   Think about how many kids  you are willing to take in because if you are open to these types of situations, then you can possibly speed up the placement of that infant with an older sibling in your home.  All of a sudden you are in a smaller subset of people that the Department of Children Services can use to place kids in a home.  That is huge. 

I cover this and more in my ebook.  The link is: http://www.amazon.com/grow-your-family-through-adoption/dp/147753797X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341580621&sr=8-1&keywords=adoption+joe+mclain

God Bless,
Joe

The Wait...The Wait...

Enduring the Wait


One prominent part of the adoption process is the wait. And you will do a lot of waiting. First there's waiting to meet with your chosen agency, birthparent, adoption attorney, or general adoption professional. Once you do that, you have to wait until your completed paperwork is filed and processed. Then, you have to endure the longest and most painful wait of all-the wait to bring your child home to your family. This painful wait can take anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of years and it can cause a loss of hope and faith and a great deal of emotional pain. So, here are some helpful tips to help you endure the wait, all while smiling and maintaining your hope and excitement for the future.



Find Support - The first and most important thing you can do for yourself is to find stable emotional support. This means something different for everyone, but options could include joining a local or online support group for waiting adoptive parents, meeting with ecclesiastical or spiritual leaders, visiting a professional counselor, or gathering your friends and family around you during the tough and happy times of the wait. It doesn't matter where you find the support; just find it.



Keep Yourself Busy - Keeping yourself busy by preparing for the coming of your child is a great way to remain hopeful. If you sit for too long and dwell in the negative feelings you may experience, it will only amplify those feelings. And you definitely don't want that. You can get the child's room together, baby-proof the house, learn key phrases in the child's native language if you're adopting internationally, or even research baby names.



Improve Your Relationships - Because you may have a long wait ahead of you, it's the perfect time to improve and strengthen your already-established relationships, including your spouse, friends, children, and extended family members. Take some time to get to know each of them on a deeper level. This will give you a sturdier support system and help you better understand the blessings of close, personal relationships. And that will make you even more excited for the future adoption finalization.



Get Away - Whether this child will be your first child or you already have children at home, the adoption wait is a good time to get away from the everyday stresses of your life. You could just into a local hotel or resort or travel to a hotspot destination. Use this time to relax and get your mind focused on one of the most important things in life--your family. Because adoption can be very expensive, you may not have the funds to plan an extensive trip to a tropical island for a few weeks. If this is the case, plan a little vacation right in your own home. Take time off of work and just focus on enjoying some time alone or with your family.



Enduring the adoption wait can become debilitating and it can even feel like you're suffocating. It can easily become overwhelming in a matter of days or weeks. But, if you try out some of the suggestions above, you will find that the wait is more manageable. When the wait becomes endurable, you will become more at ease and you will be able to appreciate the process all the more. Think of this time as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, strengthen your weaknesses, and improve on your strengths. You'll be a better, stronger person because of it, and that will make adoption finalization even sweeter

My adoption ebook

Here's the link on Amazon.  Try it out

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/147753797X/ref=sr_1_1?p=random&ie=UTF8&qid=1340306429#reader_147753797X

Children for adoption

So you are trying your hardest to find some information about adopting children.   Why can't I just go out to a website like ebay and find one I like and pick him/her out and take them home?   You have hit a wall because your search takes you to a certain site that is specifically for that agency.  What to do? 

First, think about what age child are you looking to adopt.  Am I willing to adopt an older child.  Like grade school, middle school or high school.   If you answer yes to that situation, then try to google your local state foster system.  They should have a site or try: http://adoptuskids.org/ and try that search.  That will give you a list of kids that are ready to be adopted.   Now if you want to consider a younger child, you may want to foster to adopt.   If you are open to foster to adopt, then that will open up a lot of younger kids to you.   Check with your state/county foster system for details on this program.  

Second, think about checking with the Better Business Bureau before signing with an adoption agency.  Start there.   Then check some reviews online if you can find any.  Then check with some friends who have adoped.  They will be your biggest resource and support system. 

Sometimes your local church might have some contacts.  At least they will have people there who might have gone through adoptions.   Once people know you are adopting, you will discover a large community of people who have already walked down that road.  Best of luck.

Toddlers

I think that one of the unexpected consequences of this poor economy are the parents who feel like they can longer support their kids.  My wife and I were presented with 4 toddler situations on our adoption journey.  The saiddest of which were two girls, one 18 month and one 4 year old.   Its a really sad situation.  This does present some adoption opportunities but let me tell you that these situations are risky.  Let me explain.   We had two situations where we said yes, were chosen as the adoptive parents and then the birth parents decided to keep the child.  The last one of these situations backed out 4 days before we were to meet the child.  His name is Kevin.  I still wondered what happened to Kevin. Where is he today?  Is he still with his Dad?    He will always have a place in our hearts.

Anyway back to the blog.  You need to realize the volatility of this situation.  The risk is great but so could be the reward.  Think about it.  In our case, the pool of adoptive parents were few.   So the odds are in your favor.  Are you ready to consider toddlers?  In our case, we wanted a toddler for our toddler.  An instant friend.   In your case you may just want to adopt more quickly.  At any rate, I encourage you to consider all of the options.

Bathing your baby

I thought this video on bathing your baby would be great prep for your new infant.

http://video.about.com/babyparenting/How-to-Bathe-an-Infant.htm

how2adopt

How to Keep a Baby Entertained

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Keeping a baby entertained is really quite easy. They enjoy exploring almost everything and love to take things out of a purse or from drawers.

Steps

1. Place the baby on the floor on their stomach or back or place them in a bouncy seat. Make sure with there is a toy or an object in front of the baby so he or she can focus on that and play with it.
   
   
2. Find a set of keys and jingle them in front of the baby. They can get easily distracted by something like this, and if you can’t find a set of keys, try a toy that shakes or rattles.
   
   
3. Make funny sounds, talk to them, or even make faces. Babies love to be talked to and have attention focused on them. Walk around the room with them in your arms so they can see what is going on.
   
   
4. Sing songs. Play "patty cake" or "itsy bitsy spider" or other hand games. Play "peek-a-boo" by teaching the baby to lift the blanket up and down himself.
   
   
5. Give the baby something they aren't normally allowed to play with, like plastic ware, pots and pans, empty boxes or even a purse.
   
   
6. Go on an outing. Babies love to watch other kids. Take a little one to the park and let them watch the bigger kids play. Even going to a nearby area, like the backyard, corner store, or checking the mailbox will entertain a baby.
   
   
7. Read a Book to a Baby or Infant. Try using different voices, tones, pitches, gruffness, and accents to make it more entertaining. Point at and name things on a page.
   
   
8. Build a tower out of blocks together or build a tower and let the baby knock it down.
   
   
9. Try moving the baby around the house, apartment, or whatever every half-hour or so. To the baby, it may seem like an entirely new place to play.
   
   
10. Take off the baby's clothes and put him or her in an empty bathtub to play for a while. Many babies love having some time without clothes on, and it can be good for treating and preventing diaper rash.
    
    
11. Bathe an Infant; many rugrats really enjoy a bath time. Parents love coming back to a clean, happy baby.
    
    
12. Put on some music and dance with the baby held in your arms (not too rough)!
    
    
13. Many babies love ripping paper, like newspaper. Just be careful that the paper doesn't get into their mouth. To help prevent such a problem, offer the baby a pacifier as he or she plays with the paper. Try to find paper that is very clean or uses soy-based ink if possible.
    
    
14. Make room for baby in their toy box and sit them in there with the toys to play.
    
    
15. Play in the closet or under a blanket tent with flashlights and other toy lights.
    
    

Video

Tips

• Shiny or noisy objects and toys always seem to help. Just make sure it is not too loud for the baby to cry.
  
  
• When making faces you want to be careful as to what faces you make, you don't want to scare the baby and make them cry. Also when talking to them, you want to talk in a nice soothing and calming voice, nothing too alarming for them.
  
  
• If the baby does start to cry, blow a stream of air towards his or her face, gently like you were trying to cool a bowl of soup. This will calm the baby and he/she will usually stop for a deep breath; this is your chance to amuse.
  
  
• Babies respond better when you talk in a voice that is a little higher pitched than its normal register.
  
  
• Be creative. A lot of everyday objects and situations can become a source of entertainment for a baby. For more detailed ideas listed in a month by month guide, visit www.best-kids-activities.com/play.html.
  
  

Warnings

• Make sure you play gently - babies are delicate creatures!
  
  
• Keep your eyes on the baby at all times (or make sure someone else in the room is watching).
  
  
• Avoid objects that are sharp. Avoid playing in areas where a baby could easily bump his/her head and furniture with sharp corners.
  
  
• Babies need their own space also. They like to be left alone with books to check it out. Watch your child, but also allow them to have time alone. Do not think you have to entertain them all the time!
  
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Choose a Good Babysitter
  
  
• How to Keep Children Entertained While Cleaning
  
  
• How to Put Shoes on a Baby
  
  
• How to Soothe a Baby
  
  
• How to Deal With Baby Constipation
  
  
• How to Get a Newborn to Sleep Through the Night
  
  
• How to Make Baby Finger Foods
  
  
• How to Babysit Babies
  
  
• How to Read a Book to a Baby or Infant
  
  
• How to Bathe an Infant
  
  
• How to Photograph a Baby or Infant
  
  
• How to Soothe a Teething Baby
  
  
• How to Do a Baby Voice
  
  
• How to Keep a Baby from Crying(Babysitters)
  
  

Sources and Citations

• For more detailed ideas listed in a month by month guide, visit www.best-kids-activities.com/play.html. It will show you ideas of things to do to entertain babies from newborns through school age children!
  
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Keep a Baby Entertained. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Why you shouldn't worry about the Homestudy

Home study visits primarily serve to ensure your home meets State licensing standards (e.g., working smoke alarms, safe storage of firearms, safe water, adequate space for each child, etc.).   If you are using the Adoption through the State method, the State will perform the homestudy.  The agency or State will generally require the worker to see all areas of the house or apartment, including where the children will sleep, the basement, and the back yard. He or she will be looking for how you plan to accommodate a new family member (or members, if you are planning to adopt a sibling group). Social workers are not typically inspecting your housekeeping standards so don’t worry about a white glove test. 

If you are adopting through an agency, the homestudy was basically hired by you.  Think about it, you are paying for their services.  You are the customer.   Typically they are there to advise you on your home and not to keep you from moving to the next step in your adoption.   So rest easy that this is not a hurdle but a turn in the road.   God Bless you.

How to Install a Car Seat

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
The birth of a new child brings many challenges, one of which is ensuring your baby stays safe. Incorrect installation of a car seat is often overlooked, resulting in putting your newborn’s life in danger. By following the steps set forth in this TaskMap you can rest assured knowing that each trip your baby goes on is a safe one.

Steps

Rear Facing Car Seat

1. Place the car seat in the backseat. Face the car seat towards rear window. Using the backseat is always safer for infants, this is especially true in a car with air bags. If it is necessary to place the baby in the passenger seat be sure to turn off passenger airbag (Refer to the owner's manual on how to do so).
2. Attach seat belt tightly to car seat base. Check owner's manual/ seat belt label for tightening instructions . New car seats may use lower latch anchors to attach the car seat, refer to manual for instructions on how to use these anchors. WARNING: Do not use lower anchors and seat belts together. The car seat is tight when you pull it side to side and it does more than 1 inch.
3. Ensure car seat in reclined sufficiently, this is so that the baby's head will wont flop forward. Never tilt the car seat more than halfway (45 degrees) back. Use indicator on the car seat or base as a guide. If necessary place rolled towel under the base (only if manual says it is okay to do so).
4. Dress baby in tight clothing. This will help prevent irritation from the crotch strap. Do not dress the baby in heavy clothes as tighten the straps snugly may not be possible.
5. Put shoulder straps in lowest possible position. Use slots next to or below baby's shoulders and position chest clip at armpit level.
6. Tuck rolled up blankets along the baby's sides. Padding helps get the baby comfortable. Never use inserts, blankets, or towels under or behind the baby.
7. Roll up and place a washcloth between the baby and the crotch strap.
8. Adjust the harness straps. If you can pinch a loop of the strap, tighten the harness more.
9. Cover baby with a blanket. During cold weather, it is especially important keep your baby's body warm. Make sure blankets are tucked in under the baby and cannot cover baby's face and neck.

Front Facing Car Seat

1. Read the instruction manual. Each car seat requires different harness slots, so it's best you determine this information from the manual specific to the car seat you're using.
2. Place the car seat in the back of your car. The base should be flat on the seat of the car and the back should be straight up against the cushion. Raise or remove head restraints if necessary.
3. Find the belt path on the car seat. It should be marked with stickers (usually located in the back of the seat).
4. Attach the car seat's tethers to your car's tether anchor. If your car seat doesn't have tethers, consider calling your manufacterer to see if they can be added—they can dramatically increase safety in your car [1].
5. Ensure a snug harness. Consider having your installation double-checked by a child passenger safety technician to ensure proper installation.

Video

Tips

• Unless provided with no alternative, always install the car in the back seat facing the rear window (for rear facing car seats). If this is not possible, ensure that the passenger air bag is turned off (check your car’s owner’s manual for directions on shutting off the airbag). The force that the airbag deploys in is so great that it could kill your child (even if the accident was a simple fender bender), do not take this risk.
• Use the infant rear facing car seat as long as possible, meaning; until the baby’s head is within 1 inch of the top shell of the car seat or until the baby reaches the car seat’s weight limit. Once your baby has outgrown the infant car seat, move onto using a rear-facing convertible seat. The rear facing convertible should be used until as long as possible (until your child has outgrown the seat).
• Singing or playing with your baby will help calm him down
• Use the angle indicator to ensure that the car seat is reclined properly
• In many countries, Police stations will check your car seat installation if you have any doubts about it being properly secured. In other countries, the local DMV equivalent will be the correct government body for such inspections -check your local regulations. A car accident could happen at any time, its best to ensure your child’s safety.
• Due to changes in regulations, some (even slightly) used car-seats may now be illegal -check before you buy.
• Also check with the manufacturer if parts of a car seats have been recalled (this has happened), since many will offer free upgrade kits or repairs.

Warnings

• Never remove a child from their car seat while the vehicle is in motion
• Do not use latch anchors and seat belts together to secure a car seat
• Do not dress your child in too many layers as this may make it difficult or impossible to secure the harness straps

Related wikiHows

• How to Buy Car Seat Covers
• How to Keep a Child Car Seat Dryer While Potty Training
• How to Make a Desk Chair from a Car Seat
• How to Reupholster a Dining Chair Seat
• How to Travel by Plane With an Infant or Toddler

Sources and Citations

• http://www.carseatsite.com/installing_your_car_seat.htm

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Install a Car Seat. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

NICU babies

If you are adopting a baby and that baby is in the NICU, when does the count down start for ICPC? The countdown for the ICPC clock starts after discharge. That could mean you are 1-2 weeks or more in the NICU and then 1-2 weeks for ICPC depending on the state. You may want to consider being there for the birth and meeting the birth mom if necessary and then flying home. Then going back to pick up the baby later. You know this may feel like you are leaving your child but you are really being a good steward of your time. Yes, you can learn a lot from the nurses but you can also feel good that your baby is still getting great care.

Its unfortunate that we have to go through ICPC at all but that's how it works today. Anyone want to go try and change this law?