Waiting times

So you have filled out all of your paperwork. You have completed your home study. You have taken the physical and have your fingerprints back at the agency. Everything looks good. The agency tells you you're active. What is the average wait time. The answer is "It depends." What does it depend on. Well you have to be chosen by a birth mom. Well how long does that take? Weeks to Years. I have heard of people being active for a week and I have heard of couples being active for 2 years. It all depends on the agency.

On our first agency, they had the one year and under category. That was basically if your budget was huge. So that is saying that you have a standard costs and then there is the Birth Mom funds for things such as rent, utilities, etc. If the birth mom had a lot of expenses, then that was passed to the adoptive couple. So if your budget for Birth Mom expenses was say $5,000 and a birth mom had $8,000 in expenses, then you would not be chosen. The bigger your budget, the more birth moms that the agency could expose you to. Or so we were told. Then they had the second category for everyone else. Lower budget = longer wait. Note that this is not the case with all agencies. Choose your agency wisely.

Other items such as what you are open to might also extend your waiting time. So lets say you are not open to mothers with a history of alcoholism, or drugs. Or you don't want to consider multiples, or maybe a sibling group. Or you want a particular race of child. Being as open as possible is best. You also don't want to be open for something you are not ready for. For example: I have heard of a couple that was willing to consider hispanic babies but when they saw the child, said the baby was too dark. That situation was not good for the couple, the agency or the birth mom. Know your limits.

Preparing the kid for the next event

Being a first time parent. I am still learning how to do this. Regardless of what think I know, I continue to learn about being a better parent. One of the things that we have learned is to prepare Aiden for what's next. This might be obvious to the rest of you parents. But we tell him, 5 more minutes and we are going to get out of the bath and go get some milk. Or say goodbye to all of your friends and we are going to go home. Kids seem to need the transition and it works well for him. It has really cut down on a lot of frustration on his part and ours.

He is two this year and he is very strong willed. He likes to know where everyone is. Another thing that helps is to tell him the truth. So before I leave for work in the morning, I tell him where I am going. Now he tells people, Daddy's at work. He is visiting with Nana and Papa this week. He asked Nana the other day, "Where's Mommy?" Nana told him, Mommy's at your house but you're with Nana and Papa and we love you very much. Aiden said, "I love ya'll too". Just as plain as day. Gotta love that as a Dad.