I mentioned in yesterdays blog that our Referral Agency had a sort of retreat in Gatlinburg, TN. We stayed at the perfect place that my wife said several times, that we needed this in FL when we adopted our youngest son at the end of last year. The place was called, The Resort at Governors Crossing. It had a full kitchen, washer and Dryer, 2 bedrooms and 2 bath rooms with a living room. They had a DVD in the living room. Favorite part is that the resort has a water park. I would recommend it if you are vacationing or adopting in TN. Link is below
www.governorscrossing.net
We also visited the Circle G ranch. The ranch is sort of safari when you can drive your car or ride on their vehicle. They have camels, deer, pigs, petting zoo, camel rides, water buffalo, ostrich, emu, sheep, etc. Link is below
http://www.ridecamels.com/
how2adopt
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Boys will be boys
Sorry for not posting in a while. We were off to Gatlinburg for a meet with some of the families who used Faithful Adoption Consultants. FAC is a great referral agency. They are number one if you ask me. No familiy with FAC has adopted in longer than 9 months. You should really check them out if you are at this point.
So on to the point. There is a bad habit amongst people to compare boys to girls. Let me tell you there is no comparison. Girls are made of Sugar and spice and everything nice while boys are made of other things. I think that everyone has comparisons but the danger is expecting boys to act like girls or vice versa. For example: a little 3-4 year old girl will probably sit and color for you. However, the boy could care less about coloring. Typically little girls will walk before boys. They just tend to be faster developers. Now I know there are exceptions but as a rule that is what I see. Society wants everyone to be in the same boat. Is that right? No. Watch out parents or you will find yourself in the same boat. Comparing your little boy to that little girl the same age. Think about that before you take your son in for a psychiatric evaluation.
That brings me on to another point associated with this. Comparisons. We want our kids to be the smartest, the first to talk, you get the picture. Well, that is fine as long as you let them have fun along the way. Kids need to be able to be kids. Stop making them act like adults. Let them get dirty, they don't need to read a book by 18 months. That's insanity not educational. I think sometimes we go overboard on educational material for our kids. Education is fine. Exposing our kids to music and athletics is great but the most important part about being a parent is exposing our kids to us. Especially Dads. Boys between the ages of 18 months to 5 years of age bond with their fathers. Remember this. You'll never look back at your life and say, "I spent too much time with my kids."
how2adopt@gmail.com
So on to the point. There is a bad habit amongst people to compare boys to girls. Let me tell you there is no comparison. Girls are made of Sugar and spice and everything nice while boys are made of other things. I think that everyone has comparisons but the danger is expecting boys to act like girls or vice versa. For example: a little 3-4 year old girl will probably sit and color for you. However, the boy could care less about coloring. Typically little girls will walk before boys. They just tend to be faster developers. Now I know there are exceptions but as a rule that is what I see. Society wants everyone to be in the same boat. Is that right? No. Watch out parents or you will find yourself in the same boat. Comparing your little boy to that little girl the same age. Think about that before you take your son in for a psychiatric evaluation.
That brings me on to another point associated with this. Comparisons. We want our kids to be the smartest, the first to talk, you get the picture. Well, that is fine as long as you let them have fun along the way. Kids need to be able to be kids. Stop making them act like adults. Let them get dirty, they don't need to read a book by 18 months. That's insanity not educational. I think sometimes we go overboard on educational material for our kids. Education is fine. Exposing our kids to music and athletics is great but the most important part about being a parent is exposing our kids to us. Especially Dads. Boys between the ages of 18 months to 5 years of age bond with their fathers. Remember this. You'll never look back at your life and say, "I spent too much time with my kids."
how2adopt@gmail.com
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Time Out for infants
This may be a strange post but I thought it was a good reminder to us. In my life and maybe in yours too, you come to the point where you realize that your kids know right from wrong. Now that's an easy thing to say but not such an easy thing to recognize when you are there on the front lines trying to take care of things. In our life, it happened not to long ago. My youngest crawled over to the oldest child's blanket. Just for clarity sake, let me tell you that this is the blanket that my 4 year old uses to get to sleep at night. It is literally hanging on by a thread. He uses it to rub on his face and that helps him to go to sleep. Well he brought it downstairs and my youngest went for it. Now he is not trying to hurt it. He probably wants to eat it. Well..maybe just put it in his mouth. My oldest gets in trouble for a lot of stuff. All of his toys are supposed to magically become the property of him and his brother. That is a hard transition for a 4 year old. He has gotten his fair share of reprimands. So on this occasion my wife tells Ethan, my youngest, "No No." Ethan is almost 10 months old but he is so smart. He knows the difference between right and wrong at this stage. So then he started back for it. Again my wife says "No No." So afer that she pulls him away. After he starts for it the third time, she puts him in time out. What does time out look like for a 10 month old. Well it looks like a crib or pack and play. Baby jail.
What did that accomplish? We have come to the point of realizing that we need to be firm with out kids. What we say, goes. In this case, my older son saw that he wasn't the only one getting in trouble. My younger son saw consequences of being disobedient. Will it stick? We shall see.
What did that accomplish? We have come to the point of realizing that we need to be firm with out kids. What we say, goes. In this case, my older son saw that he wasn't the only one getting in trouble. My younger son saw consequences of being disobedient. Will it stick? We shall see.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Clothes and Consignment Sales
My church has a two big consignment sales every year. This week the Fall and there's another one in the Spring. If you have ever sold in a sale before, then this is a lot of work. Our sale is computerized, so you have to enter in the item to the online system and then print out a tag and pin it or tape to each item. A lot of work. But that brings us to this topic which is clothes for your kids. We have saved so much money by clothing our kids from consignment sales. Lets face it. Kids don't stay in clothes for long periods of time anyway. You can find great deals here. For example: we are selling a swing that we purchased at a consignment store for $65. We are selling it for $25. Now we have barely used the thing because my son never really took to it. Now there are Childrens Consignment stores that are chains that you might have in your area such as http://onceuponachild.com. Perhaps you have sales in your church. We also have groups that have sales. In our area, we have a group called the Mothers of Multiples. This is all about Mothers who have twins, triplets, etc. They have a huge sale every year. You might want to check in your area for local sales.
Let me mention one other thing about kids that you might not think of. Sometimes we inherit clothes from family members, friends, etc. Anybody that has a boy or girl may know you are adopting and give you some items. Take them, you never know. However, you need to realize that seasons do matter. A child that was born in October vs a child that was born in May may be off in their seasons. You may have 0 to 3 months in Winter clothes instead of Summer. Keep this in mind when planning. Also note that my oldes was born in May and my youngest was born in October. But both kids were premies so now the youngest is able to use at least some of the oldest clothes. You may want to wait a year before throwing out everything to see if there is some overlap.
Best of luck and I hope this helps.
Let me mention one other thing about kids that you might not think of. Sometimes we inherit clothes from family members, friends, etc. Anybody that has a boy or girl may know you are adopting and give you some items. Take them, you never know. However, you need to realize that seasons do matter. A child that was born in October vs a child that was born in May may be off in their seasons. You may have 0 to 3 months in Winter clothes instead of Summer. Keep this in mind when planning. Also note that my oldes was born in May and my youngest was born in October. But both kids were premies so now the youngest is able to use at least some of the oldest clothes. You may want to wait a year before throwing out everything to see if there is some overlap.
Best of luck and I hope this helps.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Checklist for SPD
Newly Diagnosed
This is a Checklist for families parenting a child that is newly diagnosed with SPD (or still flailing about!). It hope it empowers you to manage your child’s Sensory Processing Disorder instead of feeling like it is running the show.
1. Find a qualified, trained, experienced Occupational Therapist.
You may think you already have this step down, especially since your child was probably diagnosed by an OT. But, and this is a HUGE but, you truly need to find an Occupational Therapist that has not only been trained in sensory integration techniques, but one that is currently treating patients with SPD successfully.
There are many things that OTs continue to learn, and having an OT that is focused on sensory integration is key to your child’s ability to get the most out of OT now and in the future.
Did that scare you? That you might go back and forth – to and from OT? A great OT is there for you and your child as your child grows up (shocking to think your preschooler or Kindergartner will ever “grow up” but as it turns out, they will). You may find you go back to OT for many reasons; maybe you need a little help with something specific—like handwriting or social issues. A great OT that knows your child and family will be priceless for the rest of your child’s SPD journey.
2. Establish a Routine immediately if not sooner.
Routine is going to be your new BFF. Making things predictable at home for you and your kid will reduce meltdowns. Plain and simple: Less Meltdowns = More Calm. More Calm = Happier people. That’s the way it works, I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.
Routine means you need do the same thing, every day, at the same time. Don’t freak out. You can do this. It sounds like you are sacrificing a lot, and you are sacrificing the by-the-seat-of-your-pants style of living and parenting you may be used to. But it is time to be more organized – no running to the grocery store after you pick your kiddo up from school. No staying out late at a friend’s house when you KNOW your kid can’t handle it. This is about creating a schedule within the limits of your family. Those limits will get wider as your child gets older, but until then, let’s take your child’s world from being THIS BIG and bring it down to a more manageable this big.
Now, whatever you choose to do for your base routine each day (you need before school, after school and bedtime routines at a minimum in my experience) support your routine with visuals for your kiddo. This is especially important for young kids that cannot read, but valuable for all kids. Post routine schedules for everyone to see – including your spouse! My hubby wasn’t exactly thrilled with my new routine and schedule based living, but when he realized that I felt calmer (knowing there would be less meltdowns reduces myanxiety) and our kiddos felt calmer, he got aboard the Train. Chugga Chugga Woo Woo!
3. Establish your Sensory Diet immediately if not sooner.
Your Occupational Therapist will be your best resource for this to begin with. He/she knows your child’s sensory needs the best and can give you the right tools to use at the right time (we aren’t talking wrenches here, but info, ideas and activities).
This sounds daunting, I realize that. But, when your routine is in place, you will notice patterns of behavior: Every time my kid comes home from school he is overwhelmed and needs quiet chill out time, so I give him alone play time or TV with a heavy blanket (the proprioception helps my kid from getting *too* low); however, when he was in Kindergarten he came home WIRED and high high high, so we put him in a weighted compression vest for 20 minutes every hour until bed. Did wonders. Each kid is different—but they all have patterns.
Once you identify the patterns (journaling their behavior is an easy way to figure it out), share this with your OT and ask for ways to control your child’s “engine”. Once you establish the basics, you will be able to mix up what to do with your child and his/her “Sensory Diet” vocabulary will expand. You will also learn to be creative; a true Master of the Sensory Diet.
4. Find a Support Group.
Finding other parents that get what you are going through is necessary; note I didn’t say “optional” or “a good idea”.
This is crucial to your emotional health as a parent. Being the parent of a special needs child (Yes, SPD counts as “special needs”) means you are going to have a few extra bumps in the road. Establishing a support group early on is essential. And it isn’t just for you to vent, cry or otherwise find emotional support (although you will do those), it is also so that you have resources for tips on everything from school to travel to eating. The members of your group will become your best asset!
Here are some great places to start:
www.sensoryplanet.com– This is an amazing asset for all people, parents and caregivers of sensational children. A true social network of people dedicated to Sensory Processing Disorder. A must for any parent with an SPD kiddo. Don’t forget to make “friends” with the founder Carrie Fannin while you’re there!
www.spdfoundation.net – They have a great national program of Parent Connection hosts that provide in person support in major cities (and some minor ones too!) all over the US. Nothing beats in person support. Nothing.
5. Take care of yourself/Find Respite.
This is an over-used cliche: Take time for yourself. One would think that finding respite should be intuitive–right? We all get that we need some time alone, time away and time to be an adult with other adults. But, as the parent of a special needs kid, there seems to be an endless number of things we have to do for someone else, namely our kid(s), and we leave ourselves last.
Having time to recharge is something that many women think is a luxury–not a right. You cannot take care of someone else until you take care of yourself. As I tell my children, this is NOT a point of opinion but rather a point of fact. No need to argue facts, just accept them (they argue anyway).
Once you accept that you do need respite and you deserve respite you are nearly there! To start with, respite can be just allowing yourself a shower, preferably alone, every day. Or maybe it means you spend the extra hour after the kids are asleep doing your nails instead of doing the laundry.
Finding time for yourself really does make you a “whole” person. You deserve that, and so does your sensational kid.
6. Strengthen Your Marriage.
No matter how much you understand intellectually about the difficulties of raising a special needs kid, you can’t rationalize away the problems that come with it emotionally–for both of you.
Take the time for your marriage. This means talk to your husband, go to counseling BEFORE there are major issues, have dates, talk to each other about each other (and not just the kids for pete’s sake!) and spend time being a couple.
Please don’t tell me you don’t have time for those things or that you don’t need them. Strengthening your marriage is NEVER a bad thing–it isn’t like people say “Damn, my marriage so so strong I totally wasted my time and energy working on it!” Am I right or am I right?
When you have those things in place life will seem much easier. Not simple, not spur-of-the-moment-wine-tastings-with-friends-fun, but manageable. : )
Be Sociable, Share!
This is a Checklist for families parenting a child that is newly diagnosed with SPD (or still flailing about!). It hope it empowers you to manage your child’s Sensory Processing Disorder instead of feeling like it is running the show.
1. Find a qualified, trained, experienced Occupational Therapist.
You may think you already have this step down, especially since your child was probably diagnosed by an OT. But, and this is a HUGE but, you truly need to find an Occupational Therapist that has not only been trained in sensory integration techniques, but one that is currently treating patients with SPD successfully.
There are many things that OTs continue to learn, and having an OT that is focused on sensory integration is key to your child’s ability to get the most out of OT now and in the future.
Did that scare you? That you might go back and forth – to and from OT? A great OT is there for you and your child as your child grows up (shocking to think your preschooler or Kindergartner will ever “grow up” but as it turns out, they will). You may find you go back to OT for many reasons; maybe you need a little help with something specific—like handwriting or social issues. A great OT that knows your child and family will be priceless for the rest of your child’s SPD journey.
2. Establish a Routine immediately if not sooner.
Routine is going to be your new BFF. Making things predictable at home for you and your kid will reduce meltdowns. Plain and simple: Less Meltdowns = More Calm. More Calm = Happier people. That’s the way it works, I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.
Routine means you need do the same thing, every day, at the same time. Don’t freak out. You can do this. It sounds like you are sacrificing a lot, and you are sacrificing the by-the-seat-of-your-pants style of living and parenting you may be used to. But it is time to be more organized – no running to the grocery store after you pick your kiddo up from school. No staying out late at a friend’s house when you KNOW your kid can’t handle it. This is about creating a schedule within the limits of your family. Those limits will get wider as your child gets older, but until then, let’s take your child’s world from being THIS BIG and bring it down to a more manageable this big.
Now, whatever you choose to do for your base routine each day (you need before school, after school and bedtime routines at a minimum in my experience) support your routine with visuals for your kiddo. This is especially important for young kids that cannot read, but valuable for all kids. Post routine schedules for everyone to see – including your spouse! My hubby wasn’t exactly thrilled with my new routine and schedule based living, but when he realized that I felt calmer (knowing there would be less meltdowns reduces myanxiety) and our kiddos felt calmer, he got aboard the Train. Chugga Chugga Woo Woo!
3. Establish your Sensory Diet immediately if not sooner.
Your Occupational Therapist will be your best resource for this to begin with. He/she knows your child’s sensory needs the best and can give you the right tools to use at the right time (we aren’t talking wrenches here, but info, ideas and activities).
This sounds daunting, I realize that. But, when your routine is in place, you will notice patterns of behavior: Every time my kid comes home from school he is overwhelmed and needs quiet chill out time, so I give him alone play time or TV with a heavy blanket (the proprioception helps my kid from getting *too* low); however, when he was in Kindergarten he came home WIRED and high high high, so we put him in a weighted compression vest for 20 minutes every hour until bed. Did wonders. Each kid is different—but they all have patterns.
Once you identify the patterns (journaling their behavior is an easy way to figure it out), share this with your OT and ask for ways to control your child’s “engine”. Once you establish the basics, you will be able to mix up what to do with your child and his/her “Sensory Diet” vocabulary will expand. You will also learn to be creative; a true Master of the Sensory Diet.
4. Find a Support Group.
Finding other parents that get what you are going through is necessary; note I didn’t say “optional” or “a good idea”.
This is crucial to your emotional health as a parent. Being the parent of a special needs child (Yes, SPD counts as “special needs”) means you are going to have a few extra bumps in the road. Establishing a support group early on is essential. And it isn’t just for you to vent, cry or otherwise find emotional support (although you will do those), it is also so that you have resources for tips on everything from school to travel to eating. The members of your group will become your best asset!
Here are some great places to start:
www.sensoryplanet.com– This is an amazing asset for all people, parents and caregivers of sensational children. A true social network of people dedicated to Sensory Processing Disorder. A must for any parent with an SPD kiddo. Don’t forget to make “friends” with the founder Carrie Fannin while you’re there!
www.spdfoundation.net – They have a great national program of Parent Connection hosts that provide in person support in major cities (and some minor ones too!) all over the US. Nothing beats in person support. Nothing.
5. Take care of yourself/Find Respite.
This is an over-used cliche: Take time for yourself. One would think that finding respite should be intuitive–right? We all get that we need some time alone, time away and time to be an adult with other adults. But, as the parent of a special needs kid, there seems to be an endless number of things we have to do for someone else, namely our kid(s), and we leave ourselves last.
Having time to recharge is something that many women think is a luxury–not a right. You cannot take care of someone else until you take care of yourself. As I tell my children, this is NOT a point of opinion but rather a point of fact. No need to argue facts, just accept them (they argue anyway).
Once you accept that you do need respite and you deserve respite you are nearly there! To start with, respite can be just allowing yourself a shower, preferably alone, every day. Or maybe it means you spend the extra hour after the kids are asleep doing your nails instead of doing the laundry.
Finding time for yourself really does make you a “whole” person. You deserve that, and so does your sensational kid.
6. Strengthen Your Marriage.
No matter how much you understand intellectually about the difficulties of raising a special needs kid, you can’t rationalize away the problems that come with it emotionally–for both of you.
Take the time for your marriage. This means talk to your husband, go to counseling BEFORE there are major issues, have dates, talk to each other about each other (and not just the kids for pete’s sake!) and spend time being a couple.
Please don’t tell me you don’t have time for those things or that you don’t need them. Strengthening your marriage is NEVER a bad thing–it isn’t like people say “Damn, my marriage so so strong I totally wasted my time and energy working on it!” Am I right or am I right?
When you have those things in place life will seem much easier. Not simple, not spur-of-the-moment-wine-tastings-with-friends-fun, but manageable. : )
Be Sociable, Share!
Friday, August 3, 2012
Adoption Kid Books
During my homestudy, we were told about an adoption book. The name of the book is, "Tell me again about the day I was born" by Jamie Lee Curtis. Yes that's the actress that wrote the book. Very good story and colorful pics. I would recommend this for your collection. Here it is from Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Tell-Again-About-Night-Born/dp/0064435814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343994773&sr=8-1&keywords=tell+me+again+about+the+night+i+was+born
Another book we like is "A mother for Choco". The link is below:
http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Choco-Paperstar-Keiko-Kasza/dp/0698113640/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344341563&sr=8-1&keywords=a+mother+for+choco
Not only are these good books but it tells a story about adoption in a kid friendly way. Best of luck and please share your favorite adoption book.
http://www.amazon.com/Tell-Again-About-Night-Born/dp/0064435814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343994773&sr=8-1&keywords=tell+me+again+about+the+night+i+was+born
Another book we like is "A mother for Choco". The link is below:
http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Choco-Paperstar-Keiko-Kasza/dp/0698113640/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344341563&sr=8-1&keywords=a+mother+for+choco
Not only are these good books but it tells a story about adoption in a kid friendly way. Best of luck and please share your favorite adoption book.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Adding a second child to the mix
My wife and I adopted our second child and he has been a joy to watch grow. I have noticed that he loves his big brother. One of the pluses to that is that he also wants to do what his brother is doing. So he was trying to crawl before he had the strength to move. Ethan would sit there and rock back and forth. After he had the crawling part down he would start to pull up. Very determined kid and we can think his big brother for that.
Now that I have told you that Ethan idolizes Aiden, let me tell you everything is not always fun around our house. Aiden loves his little brother but he also has those moments of jealousy that you never know are coming. He can love one second and then squeeze the next second. How many times can my wife say, "Gentle Hands" to this kid? She has patience, let me tell you. Trying to encourage him to channel that power for good and not evil is challenging. By the time, I get home from work, I have one tired Mama to help. I wish I could tell you that I have all the answers for making two boys into friends but we are not there yet.
We do have a lot of fun though. Trying to get two kids to the Doctors office or to church is huge. One of our challenges this Summer is that Aiden is dark complected and Ethan is fare complected. Letting Aiden have fun at the pool without giving Ethan 3rd degree burns is another Challenge. But we manage.
Aiden wanted to have his bath with Ethan and that has been fun. My Mom says to enjoy this time and we do. We try and expose the kids to a lot of fun events. But it doesn't stop the many days of chaos.
We do have a lot of fun though. Trying to get two kids to the Doctors office or to church is huge. One of our challenges this Summer is that Aiden is dark complected and Ethan is fare complected. Letting Aiden have fun at the pool without giving Ethan 3rd degree burns is another Challenge. But we manage.
Aiden wanted to have his bath with Ethan and that has been fun. My Mom says to enjoy this time and we do. We try and expose the kids to a lot of fun events. But it doesn't stop the many days of chaos.
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