Post Placement visit

What is the post placement visit? This is the follow-up visit where someone comes out to your home and completes a report which states that the child is thriving in your home. So lets take a walk through your adoption journey.

Step 1: Paperwork – Background Checks, Health Checks, Credit Checks, etc.
Step 2: Home Study – Normally 3 visits. If a husband and wife are adopting, one visit with both parents, one visit with the husband and one visit with the wife.
Step 3: Go active – This is the waiting game. You either wait on the Biological Mother to choose you or you wait on the State to choose you as the parent.
Step 4: Matched with the child or perspective parent.
Step 5: Consent by the biological mother and father
Step 6: Follow-up visit typically by the Home Study provider.
Step 7: Finalization

Ok, this should put things in perspective. Before finalization, an agency will do a follow-up visit to see how things are going. Think of it like the homestudy for the court. You have done all of the work for the birth mom to pick you. Now its time to shift your focus to the court. Typically this step is completed by the agency that completed your home study. In our first adoption, our agency was in Kansas. We had to get our home study completed on our own. We used a local agency from Georgia. The cost of the home study included the followup for the post placement visits. In Georgia, we had to complete 2 post placement visits. Your state might be different. Don't worry because its almost over at this point. After this step, the lawyer schedules the finalization hearing and its over.

Police: Calif couple tried to sell baby at Walmart | ajc.com

Police: Calif couple tried to sell baby at Walmart | ajc.com

Why we didn't choose the Foster to Adopt program

My wife and I chose to use Adoption rather than Foster to Adopt for this upcoming adoption. We originally thought that because there was no expenses in Foster care. In our first adoption, the expenses was the biggest issue. The first agency took all of our money up front and the match failed and we were stuck. This eventually lead to the adoption of our son but the agency was very difficult to deal with. That being said we thought Foster would be the best fit for us. I wanted to discuss in this blog, what are the pros and cons of adoption verses Foster care.

Adoption is finding a forever family for a child. There are costs involved. The agency we are using is a pay as you go agency. For example. We pay $50 for an application fee. Then if that goes through we pay $400 for our profile and training class. After the training class we are active. Then after the child is placed with us, we pay the final fee. Now let me tell you, my first adoption worked more like, pay everything up front and then there was a certain amount of expenses that were at risk. We have talked about those expenses in earlier blogs but I will be glad to cover those again if you shoot me an email at how2adopt@gmail.com.

Foster to adopt is providing a temperary home for a child that is in State custody. Our state has 3 programs. Foster, Adoption and Foster to Adopt. Adoption is for the adoption of older kids. We were told that if you wanted to adopt a baby, the wait time was at least 3 years. Foster is keeping kids in your home for a temperary basis. As long as the birth parent works the program per the states guidelines, the child will eventually go back to the birth parent. This could be up to 2 years before that child is available for adoption. Foster to adopt is the same as fostering a child. The only difference is that you are going into the program with the expectation of finding a child for your family. Lets be honest. There are no guarantees here. You do set the guidelines for what kids you are willing to accept in your home but there is still a "risk" of the child being replaced in his birth parents home.

There are emotional hurdles regardless of what route you choose to take. In both programs, you must be prepared to face these hurdles. For example, you might have a failed match with adoption or you might have a child go back to the birth parents in Foster to adopt. However, the rewards of having those kids in your home are worth any price you have to pay. You have to choose the road that's best for you and your family.

I would love to know your thoughts about both Foster and adoption programs. Please comment and lets share with each other what we know. Thanks

Things I wish I would have asked the Birth Mom

When I look back on our adoption journey, I think about what would have been good to ask the Birth Mom. We didn't have that much time after we met her that we could ask questions. In our situation, we had trouble communicating with her so when we missed talking with her once, I submitted our questions in writing to the agency and the birth mom answered them. That was good. The one thing we shy'd away from was asking about the Birth Dad. We never met him. Didn't even know his name until the lawyer told us. I wish I knew more about him from the birth mom. We were scared at the time that if we asked about him, it would make her uncomfortable and that would kill our adoption. You know if you haven't secured the adoption, you run scared. But that is where I wish I had more information. I would want to know what he looked like. What did he like to do, sports, music, etc. What did he like to eat? Our son is small and strong tempered. He wants things his way. He's a fighter. Strong for his size. He likes salad, pasta, fig newtons. He loves music. What were you like Bio Dad?

Best Adoption friendly workplaces

List published by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption friendly work places. Don't miss the benefits. Complete list on the Google Group site. Click on the ebook link to get to this list.

America's Top Ten
1 Wendy's International, Inc.
2 Citizen's Financial Group, Inc. / RBS Americas
3-TIE Liquidnet
3-TIE LSI Corporation
3-TIE United Business Media LLC (UBM)
6 Subaru of America, Inc.
7. Bowen Engineering Corporation
8. Timberland
9. Barilla America
10. Time Inc.

Neat things about my son

My wife and I are Caucasion and our adopted son is 1/2 Caucasion and 1/2 Hispanic. When we run into people who don't know he's adopted its pretty cool. They say, he looks like his mom or he looks like his Dad. I've heard this many times. Most of my friends at church didn't know he was adopted until I mentioned that we are adopting again. Back to my son, other than the fact that he looks like my wife and I, we have noticed that he has some food tastes that are similar to us. My wife loves olives and pickles just like my son. I love sweet potatoes and so does he. I say this to point out that some of us are called to adoption. Everything happens for a reason. Its almost as if God fashioned my son with our DNA. I know that sounds crazy but if God can form the Universe, he can form a child. Your child is waiting out there for you too. Maybe he won't look like you like mine did but there is a child that is set apart for you. That's exciting isn't it.

Great message for adoptive parents

This video is so powerful. Please listen if you have a chance. Lori Salierno is a powerful speaker.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3546104328702470130#

How to get your husband on board

So you have decided that adoption is right for you but your husband doesn't know if it is right for him. How do you get him on board? The first thing to realize is that men deal with facts and not emotion. You need to know the facts. This is what invitro costs, this is what adoption costs. The benefits are ? Explain the facts. It also doesn't hurt to slap him with reality. If we have a child today, in 20 years you will be on social security when he/she is in college :) Remember that most books are read by women and not men. He's typically the magazine reader not the book reader so make it easy for him to see the facts. If you have any friends that have adopted, talk to them. Preferably together. This will get him thinking about it for sure.

The Second thing to realize is that you need to sit down with him and talk to him undistracted. Don't let the TV or the radio or dinner get in the way. My wife and I talk about things after we get the kid in bed. Plan the moment. Get in his face and let him know what you are thinking. So now you have your facts together. You have the time set aside and now what.

The third tip is to share your heart. No this doesn't conflict with the first point. You need to share your heart. He fell in love with your heart. He needs to know what this adoption means to you and what it will mean to him. This is not the time to start World War II. With your facts in hand, he doesn't need to think "retreat". He needs to think that she really does care about this. She really wants this. She has put the time into this and I should think about this too.

Now you have shared your heart, the facts and you have done all of this in the perfect time. What next? Don't rush him. Leave him with the info and let him soak. He needs to feel like he decided to get on board, not like he was pushed over board. You get it. If you miss the fact that he needs to make the decision, you will own the process by yourself. You have to walk down this road together or when things get rough, its your fault. If he decides that night that this is the right thing to do then great but if he doesn't then give him some soaking time.

Don't give up. Adoption is the best decision that my wife and I have made. Let it be yours too.