Last year during our adoption process, we were presented with a situation for a 2 year old. We talked about it and because my other son was 3, it looked like a good opportunity to adopt an instant playmate for him. Besides that, he and my 3 year old had birthdays 1 day apart and they both had peanut allergies. It seemed like God was telling us that this is the one. The situation looked like the father had full custody and the mother was out of the picture. We said yes. The father saw our profile and also said yes. So we were going to be a family. We made plans to travel to South FL. We found out his name was Kevin. If you know anything about 3 year olds, you start to prep your kids for the new addition. So he knew he was coming. The weekend before we were to leave, the father decided to back out because he realized that it was going to be his last weekend to see his son. We found out on Monday morning. We were going to leave on Thursday. That's how close we were. It was devastating to get that close and then wham. He was taken away.
You get started for the adoption by wanting an infant. Then you are presented with situations where you have to say to yourself, "Is this the one? Can we bend the picture in our heads to be this child?" This race, this age, this situation with drugs in background. So we said, yes, I can picture another toddler in my family. But you never think about wrapping your heart around that situation. It happens before you know it. Especially when you get this close. I call this the adoption miscarriage because that's the way it happens.
I prayed and I prayed. I clung to my wife and we leaned on family and our support group at church. I asked God why. In situations like this, you read the Bible and it says everything happens for a reason. Somehow you know its the truth but what is the reason? The only thing that I could figure out was that God was telling me to be the spiritual father for Kevin. Perhaps, Kevin needs someone to be his spiritual parents. He was to be my son forever in my heart.
I wonder what happened to Kevin. The father wanted adoption for a reason. The father was struggling financially. Is he making it? What is he doing? I can barely write about it today and we have already adopted again. You would think I would get over it but I can't.
Adoption is a great thing. There are good times and there are struggles. Some of you will probably never face this but its a possibility. My strength comes from my relationship with Jesus. I honestly don't know how couples without Jesus can do it. Where do you find strength? At least I can pray for Kevin. Because God cares about Kevin and me. He cares about you too.
God Bless
Joe
I just found your blog through Twitter. I like what you posted here. I understand it fully well. Just experienced it for the second time. And I too come to Jesus and surrender. There is nothing more I can do. I wrote on my blog almost your very words. The children we were not able to help physically are not just nameless faces in the multitude. We've prayed for them and know them by name. This was the recent situation we just had. Our first one was the toughest. His was like a miscarriage. In fact, I mentioned that as well today on my post :) Nice to see others that have been there! -One More With. Us
ReplyDeleteWhen you get a chance, can you please share your blog if you are willing to do that. Thanks for your kind words.
DeleteHi Joe! My blog is www.onemorewith.us The post I shared where I talked about something similar to what you wrote here is http://onemorewith.us/first-x-true/
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome to have your blog on my blogroll as well. I have stopped the "comments" space due to the amount of spams I was getting. So you just send me a note either through our page on facebook or through email. Thanks!