Through the difficult times, it helps to have a shoulder or shoulders to cry on. Let me tell you that we have already been through two adoptions and we still need those shoulders to help us. We find that in our local church. You may call these groups Sunday School classes or small groups. Regardless, they perform the same function. It gives you a group of people to walk through it with you. When we adopted our first son, we met another couple who had already adopted their daughter. They were invaluable to us as support. Awesome couple. Now that we have adopted another one, we need our group to ask about things like, which Pediatrician do you use, how do deal with discipline, what do you think about homeschooling your kids, etc. We don’t have all of the answers. Sometimes, you walk through life and think that you have to know everything there is. This group is not for you to show off how much you know, how much you make, etc. They are shoulders to cry on. Ears to listen and even prayer partners.
I teach our small group and people immediately stepped in to teach, donated bottles, diapers, etc. They were great. And they still are. Let me tell you something else. You may be close to your family. They may or may not support your decision to adopt. Sometimes your family will counsel you the wrong way. Let me explain. You and your spouse may decide with God’s counsel that adoption is right for you. Then you go down some hard roads. Hit a few speed bumps and then your family may step in and counsel you to not go through with the adoption. It’s causing you too much pain. Go ahead and stop. Listen. Adoption can be hard. Adoption can cause you pain at times. When you have your hopes up for a situation and then you are matched, its great. But when you move farther down the adoption road then the birth mother backs out, it can rip your heart out. Trust me. We were 4 days from leaving and got the call that we didn’t want to hear. Kevin’s dad had second thoughts because he realized he just spent the last weekend with his son. Kevin was a toddler. He would have been great for my 4 year old. Instant play mate. That was tough. I won’t forget him. My wife won’t forget him. I tear up thinking about him and I have my second son. When you hit those times, lean on God and get a support group. It will help you.
If you have time, leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
How to Welcome a Foster Child
How to Welcome a Foster Child
from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
Welcoming a foster child into your home can be an exciting and rewarding experience. However, it can also be a challenging and potentially stressful situation for both you and the child. Fortunately, there are things you can do to make the transition safe and as stress-free as possible for you and your foster child.
Steps
- Educate yourself as much as you can. The more you know about the child and his history, the easier it will be for you to understand his behavior.
- Prepare your family for the child's arrival. Inform your extended family members that the child will be coming to stay with you and may be joining you at family gatherings. Speak with your immediate family about their expectations of the foster child and discuss any problems you can anticipate. For example, you may want to speak with your family about any special needs the child may have and how you will be dividing your time between the foster child and the rest of your family members. If you already have children, schedule time with each of them. This will decrease resentment between your children and the foster child, and will help ease the transition.
- Be realistic. Your foster child will need to adjust to a new environment filled with new people, places, and policies. These adjustments require time and patience.
- Be clear about your expectations. Once the child has had time to get settled, make sure she knows the rules of the house. The clearer you are about your expectations at the beginning, the less likely you are to have problems.
- Listen to the child's questions and concerns. It is important for him to know that you care about what he has to say.
- Develop a plan to deal with behavior problems. When the child misbehaves, be clear about why she is being punished. Explain why the behavior was wrong and that misbehaving has consequences. Be consistent when disciplining the child. End the conversation on a positive note.
- Build self-esteem. Foster children, perhaps more than any other group of children, tend to suffer from low esteem. As such, it is important to encourage them and to help them participate in activities that will boost their self-esteem whenever possible.
- Invite the child to family events. Even if she chooses not to go, it is important that that she feels included.
- Prepare your house. This is particularly important if the foster child is very young. It is essential that you create an environment that is both physically and emotionally safe.
- Help the child create a personal space. Even if you don't have an entire room available, set aside an area of the house (bed, wall, closet, etc). Once the child has seen the space, help her decorate it in a way that is meaningful to him. This will help the child feel at home, and it will give both of you the opportunity to get to know one another better.
Sources and Citations
- http://www.thechildrenstrust.org/10-tips-for-talking-with-kids-about-tough-issues/788
- http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/fostercare/living.asp
- http://foster-care.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/helping-your-foster-child-feel-at-home
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Welcome a Foster Child. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Setting your kids up to succeed
As parents we want our kids to succeed in life. We all have our own methods of doing this. Some will say that we should send our kids to private school while others try to teach their kids their ABC's by 18 months. Here is what we did.
The first move that we made was to let my wife stay home to raise our kids. We noticed with my first son that he was going to daycare. We all know that daycare was a germ factory so he would stay sick. My wife was spending all of her vacation time at home with the kid who was too sick to take to school. The other factor was that he hit a bad teacher. His 18 month teach was fine but at 2, he wasn't doing well in that room. My wife was constantly filled with mommy guilt that our child was being raised by the day care instead of her. So we made the conscience decision for my wife to stay home.
The second move was for my wife to homeschool. I know there various "Schools of thought" pardon the pun, for homeschooling vs public school. As a matter of fact, we live in a great school district. However, for our case, my 4 year old was diagnosed with Sensory Processing. This means that he doesn't function well in groups. In order for him to get an education at a pace and in an environment that he can succeed, we decided to home school him.
The third move was for us to have him see an OT for his sensory in order to address his needs. He was a little behind in his motor skills and especially in dealing with groups. The OT would address both of these. Some people have argued that he could get the help that he needs for OT from the school system. We did talk about that as a couple. What is best of Aiden. For us, we found out his OT was sought after from all over the state of GA. We also didn't want him "Labled" by the school system.
Maybe your child is gifted at sports, so you are opening doors in that area for your kids. Perhaps, your child is gifted as a dancer or in music and you are encouraging that area of their life. These are things that we do to set our kids up for success. The secret is not to obcess over their acheivements. We don't want to be a "helicopter parent" where we smother our kids. We also don't want to become those parents that get into fights at ball fields because someone yelled something that we didn't agree with. Try and set the best example for your little ones.
Pray for them. Especially you future adopted parents who are waiting. Smother your kids in prayer and not activities. They need more of you. Prayer works. God is listening so let him know your requests. I ask him to protect my family every day. And so should you.
God Bless
Joe
The first move that we made was to let my wife stay home to raise our kids. We noticed with my first son that he was going to daycare. We all know that daycare was a germ factory so he would stay sick. My wife was spending all of her vacation time at home with the kid who was too sick to take to school. The other factor was that he hit a bad teacher. His 18 month teach was fine but at 2, he wasn't doing well in that room. My wife was constantly filled with mommy guilt that our child was being raised by the day care instead of her. So we made the conscience decision for my wife to stay home.
The second move was for my wife to homeschool. I know there various "Schools of thought" pardon the pun, for homeschooling vs public school. As a matter of fact, we live in a great school district. However, for our case, my 4 year old was diagnosed with Sensory Processing. This means that he doesn't function well in groups. In order for him to get an education at a pace and in an environment that he can succeed, we decided to home school him.
The third move was for us to have him see an OT for his sensory in order to address his needs. He was a little behind in his motor skills and especially in dealing with groups. The OT would address both of these. Some people have argued that he could get the help that he needs for OT from the school system. We did talk about that as a couple. What is best of Aiden. For us, we found out his OT was sought after from all over the state of GA. We also didn't want him "Labled" by the school system.
Maybe your child is gifted at sports, so you are opening doors in that area for your kids. Perhaps, your child is gifted as a dancer or in music and you are encouraging that area of their life. These are things that we do to set our kids up for success. The secret is not to obcess over their acheivements. We don't want to be a "helicopter parent" where we smother our kids. We also don't want to become those parents that get into fights at ball fields because someone yelled something that we didn't agree with. Try and set the best example for your little ones.
Pray for them. Especially you future adopted parents who are waiting. Smother your kids in prayer and not activities. They need more of you. Prayer works. God is listening so let him know your requests. I ask him to protect my family every day. And so should you.
God Bless
Joe
Thursday, July 26, 2012
A Miracle Inside the Aurora Shooting: One Victim’s Story
My Comments::
Here's an amazing story. Its not about adoption but it made me think of the amazing story of both of my boys. Let me tell you that I am a Christian and you don't have to be one to adopt but it sure helps you ride out the ups and downs that they tend to be sometimes. God has been so good to me and my family.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author’s Update (7/24/12, 13:26): Petra was moved from ICU yesterday. She continues to improve. Please keep praying. Far less importantly, the Comment section has been closed. Why? Since this web site went up Sunday afternoon, the amount of traffic has gone viral, averaging about 71,000 hits per hour. This means that the comments traffic has been overwhelming, and beyond our ability to keep up with. By far, most comments have been wonderful and supportive. God bless you all. All kinds of ideas and thoughts have been posted: thankful, angry, sad, questioning, amazed, rude, kind, and insightful. The world is filled with people who see this tragic event from different perspectives. I am thankful for all of you who commented, whether you agreed with my world view and faith perspective or not. We have been forced to think and reflect–a very good thing. I hope the dialogue continues in other venues.
At Columbine, I have seen this before. But not up close. As a church pastor in Denver, I have worked as a chaplain alongside several police and fire departments. I was privileged to counsel parents just hours after the Littleton Columbine shootings. However, in this new tragedy at the Aurora Theater Dark Night shooting, one of the victims was a 22 year old woman from my church, Petra Anderson (pronounced Pay-tra). Petra went to the movies with two young friends who are biking across America. You and I have been inundated with news about what happened next. A joyful movie turned into bloody, unbelievable chaos. Petra was hit four times with a shot-gun blast, three shots into her arm and one bullet which entered her brain. This a bit of Petra’s miracle story.
With awesome people from our caring and pastoral team, I spent all day Friday in the ICU with Petra and her family. Her injuries were severe, and her condition was critical. A bullet had entered Petra’s face through her nose, and then traveled up through her brain until stopping at the back of her skull. The doctors prior to surgery were concerned, because so much of the brain had been traversed by the bullet. Many areas of brain function were involved. They were hoping to keep her alive long enough to get her into surgery. The prognosis was uncertain—if she lived, Petra might struggle with speech, movement, and thinking due to considerable brain damage. With Kim, Petra’s mother (who is in the final stages of terminal cancer), we simply cried, hugged, and prayed.
It is pressed into my memory now. Motion and emotion…
Other families come and go into the ICU waiting room. Some sit with us, and we talk. Others are visited by doctors with “Family Advocates” in tow. The families listen, sob, and then are moved like stunned cattle to a more private space to grieve. We pray. Petra is finally taken into surgery, using two different surgical teams. One team of neurosurgeons will open up the back of her skull to remove the bullet and clean up brain damage as best they can. Another ENT-specialty surgical team will then work through Petra’s nose by scope to follow the bullet’s path up into her brain. Their hope is to remove bone fragments, clean up damaged brain tissue, and reseal her brain to reduce infection.
If you have lived any of your days in a hospital waiting room, you know how long the enduring process is. It has a woeful pattern to it. Sit. Walk. Grab a drink. Sit. Walk. Answer a phone call. Sit. Walk. Hug someone. Sit. Talk to the FBI. Sit. Pick at the food. Sit. Walk. Go down the hall, but not too far because you’re afraid to miss something. Back. Hug. Pray. Sit. Sit. A picture of a five year old waiting for next Christmas from January 1st comes to my mind. FOREVER. Only this feels worse: a heavy forever, with no promise of presents, Santa, or good news at the end.
—Petra Anderson and her world class violin.
After the waiting drags for over five hours, tired doctors and nurses spill back into the room, one or two at a time. I look for “Family Advocates” but can find none. I exhale. The doctors update us: “It went well, and she’s recovering now. We found very little damage to the brain, and got the bullet out cleanly. It went better than we hoped for.” Each brings a warrior’s smile, and a bit of information—information that we turn into hope as we regurgitate it over the next hours. Still, the medical team remains professional and reserved, “Something might still go wrong. We just need to wait and see if she makes it for the next 48 hours.”
Tears and thank you’s abound. We are so thankful for these men and women. We hug. Everyone hugs. Then, round two. Sit. Wait. Pray. Fully dressed people cuddle into small snails and try to sleep on the floor. Some are shuttled to a room donated by the Holiday Inn across the street. Thank you, Lord, for every little thing. We sit. We pray. “We’ll understand better tomorrow.”
Petra is moved back to ICU. She looks, surprisingly, wonderful. With a small hole in her nose, and her arm wrapped, she almost looks uninjured. She is medicated and sleeping when I come to visit her on Saturday. I sit, talk, and pray quietly with Kim amid the darkened room, lit by glowing medical screens and power switches. Nurses, like quiet soldiers posted on guard, come in, march attentively through the machines, and go out. These men and women really care. Finally, one of the surgeons comes in to check on Petra. He has had some sleep, and looks more like a movie star this time. As Petra sleeps, he retells the story of the surgery, and we ask questions. The doctor reads the perfect script, as if he is on Hallmark Hall of Fame. He fills us in on the miracle. Honestly, he doesn’t call it that, he just uses words like “happily” and “wonderfully” and “in a very fortunate way” and “luckily” and “we were really surprised by that.” Kim and I know a miracle when we see it.
It seems as if the bullet traveled through Petra’s brain without hitting any significant brain areas. The doctor explains that Petra’s brain has had from birth a small “defect” in it. It is a tiny channel of fluid running through her skull, like a tiny vein through marble, or a small hole in an oak board, winding from front to rear. Only a CAT scan would catch it, and Petra would have never noticed it.
But in Petra’s case, the shotgun buck shot, maybe even the size used for deer hunting, enters her brain from the exact point of this defect. Like a marble through a small tube, the defect channels the bullet from Petra’s nose through her brain. It turns slightly several times, and comes to rest at the rear of her brain. And in the process, the bullet misses all the vital areas of the brain. In many ways, it almost misses the brain itself. Like a giant BB though a straw created in Petra’s brain before she was born, it follows the route of the defect. It is channeled in the least harmful way. A millimeter in any direction and the channel is missed. The brain is destroyed. Evil wins a round.
As he shares, the doctor seems taken aback. It is an odd thing to have a surgeon show a bit of wonder. Professionally, these guys own the universe, it seems, and take everything in stride. He is obviously gifted as a surgeon, and is kind in his manner. “It couldn’t have gone better. If it were my daughter,” he says quietly, glancing around to see if any of his colleagues might be watching him, “I’d be ecstatic. I’d be dancing a jig.” He smiles. I can’t keep my smile back, or the tears of joy. In Christianity we call it prevenient grace: God working ahead of time for a particular event in the future. It’s just like the God I follow to plan the route of a bullet through a brain long before Batman ever rises. Twenty-two years before.
While we’re talking, Petra awakes. She opens her eyes, and sits up, “Mom.” Movie-star doctor spins to grab her, to protect her from falling. The nurse assures him she’s been doing this for a while. He talks to her, and she talks back. He asks questions, and Petra has the right answers. “Where do you hurt, Petra?” “All over.” Amazed, but professional, he smiles and leaves the set shaking his head. I am so thankful for this man.
Petra is groggy and beat up, but she is herself. Honestly, I look worse before my morning coffee. “I’m thirsty,” she proclaims.
“You want an ice cube, honey?” Kim replies.
“Please.” Wow. She lays down, back to sleep, a living miracle who doesn’t even know it yet. Good flowering out of the refuse pile of a truly dark night. “Thank you, Jesus,” I whisper.
Petra, you are amazing. Kim, you, too, are amazing. I am so proud of you both. But God, you are in a league of your own. (Duh.)
There is much ahead. More surgerys. Facial reconstruction, perhaps. And for Kim, chemo therapy to stretch every moment out of life. But life remains.The ending is yet to be written for this family. One final note: I am told Petra will take her first steps today. Time for the miracle to go for a walk.
Kim and Petra need our help. For more on the Andersons, or to help with their medical costs, please visit here. This is a great site.
More information about supporting Petra Anderson and other shooting victims is also available at Hope Rises:
Here's an amazing story. Its not about adoption but it made me think of the amazing story of both of my boys. Let me tell you that I am a Christian and you don't have to be one to adopt but it sure helps you ride out the ups and downs that they tend to be sometimes. God has been so good to me and my family.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author’s Update (7/24/12, 13:26): Petra was moved from ICU yesterday. She continues to improve. Please keep praying. Far less importantly, the Comment section has been closed. Why? Since this web site went up Sunday afternoon, the amount of traffic has gone viral, averaging about 71,000 hits per hour. This means that the comments traffic has been overwhelming, and beyond our ability to keep up with. By far, most comments have been wonderful and supportive. God bless you all. All kinds of ideas and thoughts have been posted: thankful, angry, sad, questioning, amazed, rude, kind, and insightful. The world is filled with people who see this tragic event from different perspectives. I am thankful for all of you who commented, whether you agreed with my world view and faith perspective or not. We have been forced to think and reflect–a very good thing. I hope the dialogue continues in other venues.
At Columbine, I have seen this before. But not up close. As a church pastor in Denver, I have worked as a chaplain alongside several police and fire departments. I was privileged to counsel parents just hours after the Littleton Columbine shootings. However, in this new tragedy at the Aurora Theater Dark Night shooting, one of the victims was a 22 year old woman from my church, Petra Anderson (pronounced Pay-tra). Petra went to the movies with two young friends who are biking across America. You and I have been inundated with news about what happened next. A joyful movie turned into bloody, unbelievable chaos. Petra was hit four times with a shot-gun blast, three shots into her arm and one bullet which entered her brain. This a bit of Petra’s miracle story.
With awesome people from our caring and pastoral team, I spent all day Friday in the ICU with Petra and her family. Her injuries were severe, and her condition was critical. A bullet had entered Petra’s face through her nose, and then traveled up through her brain until stopping at the back of her skull. The doctors prior to surgery were concerned, because so much of the brain had been traversed by the bullet. Many areas of brain function were involved. They were hoping to keep her alive long enough to get her into surgery. The prognosis was uncertain—if she lived, Petra might struggle with speech, movement, and thinking due to considerable brain damage. With Kim, Petra’s mother (who is in the final stages of terminal cancer), we simply cried, hugged, and prayed.
It is pressed into my memory now. Motion and emotion…
Other families come and go into the ICU waiting room. Some sit with us, and we talk. Others are visited by doctors with “Family Advocates” in tow. The families listen, sob, and then are moved like stunned cattle to a more private space to grieve. We pray. Petra is finally taken into surgery, using two different surgical teams. One team of neurosurgeons will open up the back of her skull to remove the bullet and clean up brain damage as best they can. Another ENT-specialty surgical team will then work through Petra’s nose by scope to follow the bullet’s path up into her brain. Their hope is to remove bone fragments, clean up damaged brain tissue, and reseal her brain to reduce infection.
If you have lived any of your days in a hospital waiting room, you know how long the enduring process is. It has a woeful pattern to it. Sit. Walk. Grab a drink. Sit. Walk. Answer a phone call. Sit. Walk. Hug someone. Sit. Talk to the FBI. Sit. Pick at the food. Sit. Walk. Go down the hall, but not too far because you’re afraid to miss something. Back. Hug. Pray. Sit. Sit. A picture of a five year old waiting for next Christmas from January 1st comes to my mind. FOREVER. Only this feels worse: a heavy forever, with no promise of presents, Santa, or good news at the end.
—Petra Anderson and her world class violin.
After the waiting drags for over five hours, tired doctors and nurses spill back into the room, one or two at a time. I look for “Family Advocates” but can find none. I exhale. The doctors update us: “It went well, and she’s recovering now. We found very little damage to the brain, and got the bullet out cleanly. It went better than we hoped for.” Each brings a warrior’s smile, and a bit of information—information that we turn into hope as we regurgitate it over the next hours. Still, the medical team remains professional and reserved, “Something might still go wrong. We just need to wait and see if she makes it for the next 48 hours.”
Tears and thank you’s abound. We are so thankful for these men and women. We hug. Everyone hugs. Then, round two. Sit. Wait. Pray. Fully dressed people cuddle into small snails and try to sleep on the floor. Some are shuttled to a room donated by the Holiday Inn across the street. Thank you, Lord, for every little thing. We sit. We pray. “We’ll understand better tomorrow.”
Petra is moved back to ICU. She looks, surprisingly, wonderful. With a small hole in her nose, and her arm wrapped, she almost looks uninjured. She is medicated and sleeping when I come to visit her on Saturday. I sit, talk, and pray quietly with Kim amid the darkened room, lit by glowing medical screens and power switches. Nurses, like quiet soldiers posted on guard, come in, march attentively through the machines, and go out. These men and women really care. Finally, one of the surgeons comes in to check on Petra. He has had some sleep, and looks more like a movie star this time. As Petra sleeps, he retells the story of the surgery, and we ask questions. The doctor reads the perfect script, as if he is on Hallmark Hall of Fame. He fills us in on the miracle. Honestly, he doesn’t call it that, he just uses words like “happily” and “wonderfully” and “in a very fortunate way” and “luckily” and “we were really surprised by that.” Kim and I know a miracle when we see it.
It seems as if the bullet traveled through Petra’s brain without hitting any significant brain areas. The doctor explains that Petra’s brain has had from birth a small “defect” in it. It is a tiny channel of fluid running through her skull, like a tiny vein through marble, or a small hole in an oak board, winding from front to rear. Only a CAT scan would catch it, and Petra would have never noticed it.
But in Petra’s case, the shotgun buck shot, maybe even the size used for deer hunting, enters her brain from the exact point of this defect. Like a marble through a small tube, the defect channels the bullet from Petra’s nose through her brain. It turns slightly several times, and comes to rest at the rear of her brain. And in the process, the bullet misses all the vital areas of the brain. In many ways, it almost misses the brain itself. Like a giant BB though a straw created in Petra’s brain before she was born, it follows the route of the defect. It is channeled in the least harmful way. A millimeter in any direction and the channel is missed. The brain is destroyed. Evil wins a round.
As he shares, the doctor seems taken aback. It is an odd thing to have a surgeon show a bit of wonder. Professionally, these guys own the universe, it seems, and take everything in stride. He is obviously gifted as a surgeon, and is kind in his manner. “It couldn’t have gone better. If it were my daughter,” he says quietly, glancing around to see if any of his colleagues might be watching him, “I’d be ecstatic. I’d be dancing a jig.” He smiles. I can’t keep my smile back, or the tears of joy. In Christianity we call it prevenient grace: God working ahead of time for a particular event in the future. It’s just like the God I follow to plan the route of a bullet through a brain long before Batman ever rises. Twenty-two years before.
While we’re talking, Petra awakes. She opens her eyes, and sits up, “Mom.” Movie-star doctor spins to grab her, to protect her from falling. The nurse assures him she’s been doing this for a while. He talks to her, and she talks back. He asks questions, and Petra has the right answers. “Where do you hurt, Petra?” “All over.” Amazed, but professional, he smiles and leaves the set shaking his head. I am so thankful for this man.
Petra is groggy and beat up, but she is herself. Honestly, I look worse before my morning coffee. “I’m thirsty,” she proclaims.
“You want an ice cube, honey?” Kim replies.
“Please.” Wow. She lays down, back to sleep, a living miracle who doesn’t even know it yet. Good flowering out of the refuse pile of a truly dark night. “Thank you, Jesus,” I whisper.
Petra, you are amazing. Kim, you, too, are amazing. I am so proud of you both. But God, you are in a league of your own. (Duh.)
There is much ahead. More surgerys. Facial reconstruction, perhaps. And for Kim, chemo therapy to stretch every moment out of life. But life remains.The ending is yet to be written for this family. One final note: I am told Petra will take her first steps today. Time for the miracle to go for a walk.
Kim and Petra need our help. For more on the Andersons, or to help with their medical costs, please visit here. This is a great site.
More information about supporting Petra Anderson and other shooting victims is also available at Hope Rises:
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Circumcision
My son was born in October of 2011 and he was premature so he stayed in the NICU a while. While he was there they asked us if we wanted him to be circumcised. It was going to cost around 4-600 bucks so it wouldn't be covered by medicare. I rationalized that this might keep him in the NICU longer and after paying of the adoption, we weren't exactly in the money if you know what i mean. So I said no. Well that was a big mistake. Here's why. You have to wait 6 months to do the procedure now if it isn't done in the hospital. So lets talk. Your pediatrician can't do the procedure. A Urologist has to do it. Now we have received a bill for $209.36 for my wife to drag my toddler and the 8 month old to the Urologist to be seen for all of 5 minutes. On top of that, they want us to go in for a "Pre Op" which is essentially paperwork. Guess how much that is going to cost. I"m thinking $209.36. The procedure itself is going to cost $500 and i don't even know if we are going to get a bill from the Anathesiologist yet. I'm guessing yes and I'm guessing its going to cost more than $209.36. Are you hearing me here? That's $900 so far. If hind sight was 20/20.
Learn from my mistakes. Get R Dun at the hospital.
PS>>Procedure complete. First bill to Insurance company in addition to the 900 bucks above is $4,000..The Saga continues.
Learn from my mistakes. Get R Dun at the hospital.
PS>>Procedure complete. First bill to Insurance company in addition to the 900 bucks above is $4,000..The Saga continues.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The routine
I've decided that I need to be more positive today and talk about something that as parents, makes our lives easier. Its called a routine. And in the beginning, the baby will will show you what the routine will be. But the quicker that we can create a routine, the better off you will be. And this goes for toddlers too. Let me explain. Lets talk about our routine for bed time. Every night we typically watch a movie and give the toddler some popcorn. When its time for my 4 year olds bath, he can get a popsicle. He calls it a stick. So he gets his stick and I go and run the bath. He gets in and has his stick..We get him dressed after his bath. We keep his closet light on and crack the door. The Vaporizer is running. Then we read him a story, pray and he goes to sleep. Sounds simple doesn't it.
The 8 month old also has a night time routine. He gets his bath and then gets dressed. We give him a bottle and then rock him to sleep. The vaporizer is also running. We try to make this around the same time every night. When we break the routine like we go swimming and miss the movie. The routine is broken and he doesn't like it. It is still a good thing to have that routine because he knows what is expected of him at that time. He knows what is coming and most of the time, there is little stress.
Hope this helps
The 8 month old also has a night time routine. He gets his bath and then gets dressed. We give him a bottle and then rock him to sleep. The vaporizer is also running. We try to make this around the same time every night. When we break the routine like we go swimming and miss the movie. The routine is broken and he doesn't like it. It is still a good thing to have that routine because he knows what is expected of him at that time. He knows what is coming and most of the time, there is little stress.
Hope this helps
ICPC rant
Yesterday, I talked about ICPC and how it works. Todays post is. What is the purpose of the ICPC rule that states that you can't take a baby across the state lines. Lets look at it this way. You have gotten the state to check your fingerprints. The FBI has checked your fingerprints. Someone has checked your home. You have verified any issues with guns, swimming pools and septic. You have gone through the sexual offender list. In GA, we even check your 911 records. So what is the purpose of this point. Is it good for the child for them to live out of a hotel? Is it good for my wallet to live out of a hotel? Is it good for your other kids to live out of a hotel? Was that hotel checked for guns, swimming pools and septic? For crying out loud, there could be a sexual offender living next door. You still haven't finalized yet so whats the purpose of not letting you go home? Alas, I don't know. So I will obey the law and live free.
Thanks for my rant. And now back to your regular scheduled programming. Tomorrow, we will talk about circumcisions. A decision that you might not think about for your new son but you may want to know for your next adoption.
God Bless
Thanks for my rant. And now back to your regular scheduled programming. Tomorrow, we will talk about circumcisions. A decision that you might not think about for your new son but you may want to know for your next adoption.
God Bless
Monday, July 23, 2012
ICPC check list
So my wife and I adopted from Florida and my son was in the NICU so we spent a lot of time there. There is something called ICPC which I talk about in my ebook which basically means that after you adopt, you have to let the Adopted from state shake hands with the state where you live to say that it is ok to bring that baby across the state border. And by the way, this could be up to two weeks. We are from GA but adopted from FL. So after my child was discharged from the hospital, the ICPC clock started ticking. You can go anywhere in the state so my wife and I started for Pensacola which is about an hour from family that live in AL. Let me tell you that it seemed like eternity and everyone seems happy to have you wait in their state. Here's some things to look out for.
#1) Plan for where you will buy the formula. You are staying in a city and you need to know where you can find the formula you need. In our case, my son was on the Similac Neosure brand. We couldn't find this in local grocery or Wal Mart and they didn't have a Babies R Us in Pensacola so my family brought us some from AL. Keep this in mind.
#2) We thought it would be great to stay at an Extended Stay. I'm away from home and may need a fridge, stove, etc. what a great idea. Wrong. The one in Tampa and Pensacola reeked of odor and I nor my wife felt safe there. I think they keep all of the just release convicts in this place.
#3) If you have time, maybe you should look at a house. Renting houses especially in vacation areas are great options for families. The only catch is that as adopted families, you may not be able to "Plan" for the trip.
#4) For hotel dwellers, see if they have a crib or pack and play for you. We stayed at a Wingate and they did have it available. So did the Holiday Inn Express.
#5) Don't forget the Car seat. Most rental car agencies will rent them or if you drive, then you can bring your own.
#6) Don't cross those state lines. Chances are nothing would happen but you would be breaking the law. At this point, that may not fare well with the judge at finalization.
#1) Plan for where you will buy the formula. You are staying in a city and you need to know where you can find the formula you need. In our case, my son was on the Similac Neosure brand. We couldn't find this in local grocery or Wal Mart and they didn't have a Babies R Us in Pensacola so my family brought us some from AL. Keep this in mind.
#2) We thought it would be great to stay at an Extended Stay. I'm away from home and may need a fridge, stove, etc. what a great idea. Wrong. The one in Tampa and Pensacola reeked of odor and I nor my wife felt safe there. I think they keep all of the just release convicts in this place.
#3) If you have time, maybe you should look at a house. Renting houses especially in vacation areas are great options for families. The only catch is that as adopted families, you may not be able to "Plan" for the trip.
#4) For hotel dwellers, see if they have a crib or pack and play for you. We stayed at a Wingate and they did have it available. So did the Holiday Inn Express.
#5) Don't forget the Car seat. Most rental car agencies will rent them or if you drive, then you can bring your own.
#6) Don't cross those state lines. Chances are nothing would happen but you would be breaking the law. At this point, that may not fare well with the judge at finalization.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Doctors don't know everything
When my oldest son was born, we brought him home and had him go get his first checkup with the Pediatrician. They ran a battery of tests on him and one of them had blood work where they had to send that off to the lab. When the lab came back two weeks later, they called my wife and told her, you need to get your son to the hospital. He has hepatitus and he will be in the hospital for two weeks undergoing treatment but if you don't leave now, he will die. How is that for a wake up call. The last thing that an adoptive couple wants to do is for their kid to die so we left for the hospital. We took him to the Dr and they poked and prodded him, took blood every night and did I mention that he was a premie. He was around 6lbs at this point. For a Dad that was hard. A Dr came in the room and I asked her, "Why do you have to take blood from him every night?" "Why can't you just take the blood you have and run multiple tests with it? He doesn't have that much to give." Her answer was, "We can always give him a transfusion"
Parents, listen up. Doctors don't know everything. Ask questions. I wish I would have asked more questions up front. What tests are you going to run? When will you get the answer from that test? What additional tests will you run? Don't let Doctors dictate treatments for your kids. Oh by the way. My son never had Hepatitus. It was a False positive as the Dr would say.
On another occasion my wife took my son to the Emergency Care and told the Dr that he had been exposed to kids with Strep. Oh Maam, children don't get strep, he said. He ran some tests and sent him home. A day later, he was getting worse. She took him in to the Pediatrician. We want to test him for Strep. Well Children don't get strep. Guess what. The test came back positive for strep.
Learn from our pain people. Maybe one day, we will talk about what I think about innoculations.
God bless
Joe
Parents, listen up. Doctors don't know everything. Ask questions. I wish I would have asked more questions up front. What tests are you going to run? When will you get the answer from that test? What additional tests will you run? Don't let Doctors dictate treatments for your kids. Oh by the way. My son never had Hepatitus. It was a False positive as the Dr would say.
On another occasion my wife took my son to the Emergency Care and told the Dr that he had been exposed to kids with Strep. Oh Maam, children don't get strep, he said. He ran some tests and sent him home. A day later, he was getting worse. She took him in to the Pediatrician. We want to test him for Strep. Well Children don't get strep. Guess what. The test came back positive for strep.
Learn from our pain people. Maybe one day, we will talk about what I think about innoculations.
God bless
Joe
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Adoption Risks
You have decided to adopt and there's a lot on the line. You have put your heart out there in anticipation of the adoption. You and your husband may experience emotional ups and downs. To add to it, there's the money. Adoption is a huge financial hurdle. Lets talk about that hurdle for a second. Most couples pay a fee for your application. Then you pay for the fee of the home study. Then your next purchase is the fee for the adoption. And then some agencies factor in birth mother fees to pay for the birth mothers rent, utilities, etc. while she is pregnant.
NOTE: Some agencies call the birth mother expenses "At Risk" money meaning you will lose that money if the birth mother backs out.
Obviously you need to protect your money because for some couples, its all they can do to pay for one adoption without some it being "At Risk". Let me tell you what we did for our second adoption. We started out using an agency where the fees were going to be around 15k and they provided everything for that fee. You only paid that when you were placed with the child. When that happened there was no risk. However, they were very slow and we found out they weren't very good at managing their cases. So as a result we went to a referral agency.
NOTE: I talk about Referral agencies in my ebook.
We paid this Referral agency a fee but she was plugged into many adoption agencies who have children available for adoption. For real, there are agencies with not enough adoptive families out there. Strange isn't it. But there is. We went through several matches that didn't work out. If we didn't have our referral agency though, when the match was made, we would pay that new agency our money. Then when the match doesn't work out, they don't pay you back. You are "Stuck" with their agency at that point. The secret is to not pay until you have the child. Ask that question up front. When will I pay the money? On Match or on placement. In our case, the referral agency fees were well worth it because not only did she provide us with a situation, she was our advocate throughout the process until placement.
God Bless you
Joe
NOTE: Some agencies call the birth mother expenses "At Risk" money meaning you will lose that money if the birth mother backs out.
Obviously you need to protect your money because for some couples, its all they can do to pay for one adoption without some it being "At Risk". Let me tell you what we did for our second adoption. We started out using an agency where the fees were going to be around 15k and they provided everything for that fee. You only paid that when you were placed with the child. When that happened there was no risk. However, they were very slow and we found out they weren't very good at managing their cases. So as a result we went to a referral agency.
NOTE: I talk about Referral agencies in my ebook.
We paid this Referral agency a fee but she was plugged into many adoption agencies who have children available for adoption. For real, there are agencies with not enough adoptive families out there. Strange isn't it. But there is. We went through several matches that didn't work out. If we didn't have our referral agency though, when the match was made, we would pay that new agency our money. Then when the match doesn't work out, they don't pay you back. You are "Stuck" with their agency at that point. The secret is to not pay until you have the child. Ask that question up front. When will I pay the money? On Match or on placement. In our case, the referral agency fees were well worth it because not only did she provide us with a situation, she was our advocate throughout the process until placement.
God Bless you
Joe
Monday, July 16, 2012
Two faces of Sensory Processing Disorder
Every month my church asks the preschool parents to help out in our childrens class. My wife and I had our week yesterday. We had a new little girl that had started coming to church a couple of weeks ago. She came into class and looked like she was going to cry which is normal for girls her age. However, over time, she still appeared sad throughout the entire class. She had a purse that was made of that trim that goes around blankets. I don' t know the name but its soft to the touch and looks sort of like shiny silk. She would rub that on her face. Now that my son has Sensory processing, you can see it in others. This is typical of how the girls react to Sensory.
My son gets into class and he wants to touch. He hugs the other kids. He is loud and when the group has to sit down, he can't seem to concentrate. He is ansi. While the little girl retreats inward, my son explodes outward. He tries to wrestle. He runs. He screams. Those are the two extemes of this issue. I hope it helps you understand it more.
Please let me know your thoughts, comments or email privately at how2adopt@gmail.com
My son gets into class and he wants to touch. He hugs the other kids. He is loud and when the group has to sit down, he can't seem to concentrate. He is ansi. While the little girl retreats inward, my son explodes outward. He tries to wrestle. He runs. He screams. Those are the two extemes of this issue. I hope it helps you understand it more.
Please let me know your thoughts, comments or email privately at how2adopt@gmail.com
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Checklist for Foster Care
These are some of the items that you need to consider before providing foster care for the child.
1) Have you attended the orientation class? If not, call the office and get on the roll. If they don't contact you later or let you know when the next class is scheduled then call back. Its the government and they are busy.
2) If this is something you want to consider then have you signed up for the training classes
3) Are you prepared to keep the child in your home? Do you have space? Do you have the fire extinguisher, smoke alarms, fire ladder for 2 story homes? Do you have a bedroom?
4) Children need to be transported to any meetings with the birth parents, therapy, etc. Do you have the time and transportation?
5) Do yo have an ear? They won't open up at once but they will need an ear. Talk with them.
6) Are you ready to let go? No one guaranteed you the child. The birth parents can always work the plan.
NOTE: There is help for foster families. Our area has a clothing/toy shelter that is open to the kids. There are also discounts for food at local restaurants. You may also get plugged into a group of foster families that can provide some support.
1) Have you attended the orientation class? If not, call the office and get on the roll. If they don't contact you later or let you know when the next class is scheduled then call back. Its the government and they are busy.
2) If this is something you want to consider then have you signed up for the training classes
3) Are you prepared to keep the child in your home? Do you have space? Do you have the fire extinguisher, smoke alarms, fire ladder for 2 story homes? Do you have a bedroom?
4) Children need to be transported to any meetings with the birth parents, therapy, etc. Do you have the time and transportation?
5) Do yo have an ear? They won't open up at once but they will need an ear. Talk with them.
6) Are you ready to let go? No one guaranteed you the child. The birth parents can always work the plan.
NOTE: There is help for foster families. Our area has a clothing/toy shelter that is open to the kids. There are also discounts for food at local restaurants. You may also get plugged into a group of foster families that can provide some support.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Raising a child with Sensory Processing
My oldest son has Sensory Processing and I had a posting yesterday that talked about what that was like. He is very active and its hard to tell if you have a boy or if you have a boy with some kind of issue. Do yo know what I mean. All boys are active but sometimes especially when they are younger, you wonder what he will grow out of and what he won't. Well my wife went to an adoption conference and one of the speakers mentioned the Sensory processing and then on the way home from the conference, she was talking with a friend who was also explaining it to her. Not long after that, someone at our church mentioned that an OT was coming to the school that meets at our church and was offering free screenings. That's when she told us he actually had the Sensory Processing issue.
It was like, God was opening up doors for us to diagnose our son. It was alarming and a relief all at the same time. He is going to that OT now and we are seeing some baby step improvements. She is focused on his motor skills first and hopefully next she will turn to helping him deal with group settings. Because let me tell you, Vacation Bible School was not the best situation for my son. Life is not easy. Sunday School is his weekly group setting and he does well in there because the teachers look past some of the issues like not participating in the groups. He is surprising us now and joining at his own pace. Again baby steps. Other times its one step forward and two steps back. We are hanging in there. My wife stays home with him and we are home schooling him this fall. That way we can help him learn the "Hands on" way and that will hopefully help him stay up with his grade level. We are also holding him back a year. He just needs it right now.
You will get glances at times because everyone doesn't understand why your kid can't behave. You will face some hard days. Understand what your childs limits are and try and adapt. Get a support system. You will need it down the road. Talk about it with your spouse. Home Schooling might not be a choice for you but you need to get involved in the choices that are made for your child at their school. Educators don't always have the answers or the plan that can move your child down the road towards his full potential. I have a friend with child that is in the "Autistic Spectram" and his trip in the public school system was left with him falling more and more behind because he was in better "shape" than some of the other kids in the special needs class.
I would love to hear your comments on this topic.
God Bless
It was like, God was opening up doors for us to diagnose our son. It was alarming and a relief all at the same time. He is going to that OT now and we are seeing some baby step improvements. She is focused on his motor skills first and hopefully next she will turn to helping him deal with group settings. Because let me tell you, Vacation Bible School was not the best situation for my son. Life is not easy. Sunday School is his weekly group setting and he does well in there because the teachers look past some of the issues like not participating in the groups. He is surprising us now and joining at his own pace. Again baby steps. Other times its one step forward and two steps back. We are hanging in there. My wife stays home with him and we are home schooling him this fall. That way we can help him learn the "Hands on" way and that will hopefully help him stay up with his grade level. We are also holding him back a year. He just needs it right now.
You will get glances at times because everyone doesn't understand why your kid can't behave. You will face some hard days. Understand what your childs limits are and try and adapt. Get a support system. You will need it down the road. Talk about it with your spouse. Home Schooling might not be a choice for you but you need to get involved in the choices that are made for your child at their school. Educators don't always have the answers or the plan that can move your child down the road towards his full potential. I have a friend with child that is in the "Autistic Spectram" and his trip in the public school system was left with him falling more and more behind because he was in better "shape" than some of the other kids in the special needs class.
I would love to hear your comments on this topic.
God Bless
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
How to Care for a Sensory Child (with pictures) - wikiHow
Adoptive Children tend to be prone to Sensory Processing Disorder so I wanted to share this article with you.
How to Care for a Sensory Child
from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
A sensory child is someone born with severe sensitivity to touch, taste, sound, and smell. This occurs when the brain has difficulty processing sensory information. Touch gives the most prominent discomfort while being particular about certain textures and such things related to feeling. Because of this, most sensory children visit an Occupational Therapist each week in order to be rehabilitated to a state where the child can function in a normal society. This instruction manual will go through steps that explain in detail how to handle these children in the most appropriate way possible, particularly during treatment. Often, these children throw tantrums when put into unpleasant situations. Therefore, it is necessary to take therapeutic precautions. This allows the child to eventually stop throwing fits and also ensures the therapy session will proceed smoothly. The purpose of this manual is so that the Occupational Therapist/Parent will be able to effectively care for the child and allow them to develop and function normally in society.
Credentials:
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Care for a Sensory Child. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
How to Care for a Sensory Child
from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
A sensory child is someone born with severe sensitivity to touch, taste, sound, and smell. This occurs when the brain has difficulty processing sensory information. Touch gives the most prominent discomfort while being particular about certain textures and such things related to feeling. Because of this, most sensory children visit an Occupational Therapist each week in order to be rehabilitated to a state where the child can function in a normal society. This instruction manual will go through steps that explain in detail how to handle these children in the most appropriate way possible, particularly during treatment. Often, these children throw tantrums when put into unpleasant situations. Therefore, it is necessary to take therapeutic precautions. This allows the child to eventually stop throwing fits and also ensures the therapy session will proceed smoothly. The purpose of this manual is so that the Occupational Therapist/Parent will be able to effectively care for the child and allow them to develop and function normally in society.
Credentials:
Steps
- Make certain that your child is receiving proper care. In order to do so, you will need to make sure to acquire as much knowledge as possible about Sensory Integration Disorder. Each child is unique, so take this into consideration while handling them, or delegating responsibilities to an Occupational Therapist. You must understand that your child is not going to grow out of it. Therefore, the first step is to seek out the best treatment possible. Many good Occupational Therapists research techniques that are exclusive to their patient’s behavior patterns.
- Work with your child at home on a daily basis. It is not enough to only rely on the Occupational Therapy to rid your child of this disorder. With your Occupational Therapist, develop effective strategies that are distinct to your child that can be performed/practiced at home or at therapy. Suggested Sensory Activities Include:
- Activities with textured objects such as play-dough in order to develop normal tactile processing.
- Vestibular movement activities.
- Aromatherapy techniques so that the child’s sensitivity to smell can be reduced.
- Language activities such as flash cards to pronounce words.
- Heavy work activities so that their bodies will develop an ability to receive regular input to their muscles and joints.
- Sleep programs. Most Sensory children have a hard time calming down to go to sleep. Therefore, the child may need help. It is necessary to sometimes comfort the child.
- Play tunnels and tents are helpful to work on motor coordination. It is also helpful to include textured items inside the tunnel.
- Deep pressure activities to help the child control their excitement/arousal level. This may include a ball pit.
- Auditory activities.
- Activities with textured objects such as play-dough in order to develop normal tactile processing.
- Continue the therapies and activities throughout the development of the child’s life. Also, because these children are sensitive to many things, they can often become upset. In order to properly handle them, one must be extremely gentle. There are a few approaches to this. A parent, guardian, or occupational therapist can choose to ignore the bad behavior and let the child calm themselves, sternly, but non-aggressively reason with the child, or try to comfort them.
Tips
- Keep snacks or objects of the child’s interest (Figure 1) nearby in order to calm/reward the patient.
Warnings
- In order to handle a child who is having a tantrum, it is necessary to be aware that he/she may be violent. The child may swing their arms which could potentially harm an individual. Please take the precaution of expecting to put up a fight. Make sure that you do not harm the child who is throwing the tantrum. Be gentle with him/her by using a soft voice and tender physical contact.
- Keep the child away from sharp corners or dangerous objects, and near soft furniture or mats.
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Care for a Sensory Child. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Noise is your enemy
My first son has a problem with nose bleeds. So we run a cool mist humidifier in his room at night and that helps him. The best part about the humidifier is also the white noise. Since his room is on the front of the house, he picks up a lot of street noise. The hum of the humidifier helps cut some of that noise out. There' nothing worse then getting your child down for the night and the neighbor with the motorcycle or loud car wakes him up. When he was younger we played classical music which also does the same thing. Think about this especially if you live in a high traffic area or if you live in an open plan where the adults want to watch TV and you need something to "Drown" it out.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Adopting infants through Foster Care
So you want to adopt an infant through foster care. That's a touchy subject and here's why. The foster system is filled with children of all ages. The hardest kids for the Department of Children Services to foster is the older kids. And conversely, the easiest kids to find foster homes for are the infants and younger children. That's the problem that we have to overcome. Is it doable? Yes it is. Here's how.
The first thing to realize is that the kids that are going to be available for adoption are the older kids. So if you want to adopt an infant, then you need to get in the foster to adopt program. So you have to attend the orientation, then the training classes (for us it was 7 weeks), then you wait to go active. After you go active, remember that you are in charge of who you take into your home. You may need to check in periodically to ensure that you are on their roadmap. Keep in mind that this is foster care. You may be presented the baby that supposedly is not available for adoption and then they end up being available. You may also be presented a baby that has a good potential of being adopted and perhaps the birth mother works out her plan and is reunited with her baby. You have to keep that in the back of your mind throughout the process. There are no guarantees here.
One thing you may want to keep in mind is sibling groups. Think about how many kids you are willing to take in because if you are open to these types of situations, then you can possibly speed up the placement of that infant with an older sibling in your home. All of a sudden you are in a smaller subset of people that the Department of Children Services can use to place kids in a home. That is huge.
I cover this and more in my ebook. The link is: http://www.amazon.com/grow-your-family-through-adoption/dp/147753797X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341580621&sr=8-1&keywords=adoption+joe+mclain
God Bless,
Joe
The first thing to realize is that the kids that are going to be available for adoption are the older kids. So if you want to adopt an infant, then you need to get in the foster to adopt program. So you have to attend the orientation, then the training classes (for us it was 7 weeks), then you wait to go active. After you go active, remember that you are in charge of who you take into your home. You may need to check in periodically to ensure that you are on their roadmap. Keep in mind that this is foster care. You may be presented the baby that supposedly is not available for adoption and then they end up being available. You may also be presented a baby that has a good potential of being adopted and perhaps the birth mother works out her plan and is reunited with her baby. You have to keep that in the back of your mind throughout the process. There are no guarantees here.
One thing you may want to keep in mind is sibling groups. Think about how many kids you are willing to take in because if you are open to these types of situations, then you can possibly speed up the placement of that infant with an older sibling in your home. All of a sudden you are in a smaller subset of people that the Department of Children Services can use to place kids in a home. That is huge.
I cover this and more in my ebook. The link is: http://www.amazon.com/grow-your-family-through-adoption/dp/147753797X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341580621&sr=8-1&keywords=adoption+joe+mclain
God Bless,
Joe
Monday, July 2, 2012
The Wait...The Wait...
Enduring the Wait
One prominent part of the adoption process is the wait. And you will do a lot of waiting. First there's waiting to meet with your chosen agency, birthparent, adoption attorney, or general adoption professional. Once you do that, you have to wait until your completed paperwork is filed and processed. Then, you have to endure the longest and most painful wait of all-the wait to bring your child home to your family. This painful wait can take anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of years and it can cause a loss of hope and faith and a great deal of emotional pain. So, here are some helpful tips to help you endure the wait, all while smiling and maintaining your hope and excitement for the future.
Find Support - The first and most important thing you can do for yourself is to find stable emotional support. This means something different for everyone, but options could include joining a local or online support group for waiting adoptive parents, meeting with ecclesiastical or spiritual leaders, visiting a professional counselor, or gathering your friends and family around you during the tough and happy times of the wait. It doesn't matter where you find the support; just find it.
Keep Yourself Busy - Keeping yourself busy by preparing for the coming of your child is a great way to remain hopeful. If you sit for too long and dwell in the negative feelings you may experience, it will only amplify those feelings. And you definitely don't want that. You can get the child's room together, baby-proof the house, learn key phrases in the child's native language if you're adopting internationally, or even research baby names.
Improve Your Relationships - Because you may have a long wait ahead of you, it's the perfect time to improve and strengthen your already-established relationships, including your spouse, friends, children, and extended family members. Take some time to get to know each of them on a deeper level. This will give you a sturdier support system and help you better understand the blessings of close, personal relationships. And that will make you even more excited for the future adoption finalization.
Get Away - Whether this child will be your first child or you already have children at home, the adoption wait is a good time to get away from the everyday stresses of your life. You could just into a local hotel or resort or travel to a hotspot destination. Use this time to relax and get your mind focused on one of the most important things in life--your family. Because adoption can be very expensive, you may not have the funds to plan an extensive trip to a tropical island for a few weeks. If this is the case, plan a little vacation right in your own home. Take time off of work and just focus on enjoying some time alone or with your family.
Enduring the adoption wait can become debilitating and it can even feel like you're suffocating. It can easily become overwhelming in a matter of days or weeks. But, if you try out some of the suggestions above, you will find that the wait is more manageable. When the wait becomes endurable, you will become more at ease and you will be able to appreciate the process all the more. Think of this time as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, strengthen your weaknesses, and improve on your strengths. You'll be a better, stronger person because of it, and that will make adoption finalization even sweeter
One prominent part of the adoption process is the wait. And you will do a lot of waiting. First there's waiting to meet with your chosen agency, birthparent, adoption attorney, or general adoption professional. Once you do that, you have to wait until your completed paperwork is filed and processed. Then, you have to endure the longest and most painful wait of all-the wait to bring your child home to your family. This painful wait can take anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of years and it can cause a loss of hope and faith and a great deal of emotional pain. So, here are some helpful tips to help you endure the wait, all while smiling and maintaining your hope and excitement for the future.
Find Support - The first and most important thing you can do for yourself is to find stable emotional support. This means something different for everyone, but options could include joining a local or online support group for waiting adoptive parents, meeting with ecclesiastical or spiritual leaders, visiting a professional counselor, or gathering your friends and family around you during the tough and happy times of the wait. It doesn't matter where you find the support; just find it.
Keep Yourself Busy - Keeping yourself busy by preparing for the coming of your child is a great way to remain hopeful. If you sit for too long and dwell in the negative feelings you may experience, it will only amplify those feelings. And you definitely don't want that. You can get the child's room together, baby-proof the house, learn key phrases in the child's native language if you're adopting internationally, or even research baby names.
Improve Your Relationships - Because you may have a long wait ahead of you, it's the perfect time to improve and strengthen your already-established relationships, including your spouse, friends, children, and extended family members. Take some time to get to know each of them on a deeper level. This will give you a sturdier support system and help you better understand the blessings of close, personal relationships. And that will make you even more excited for the future adoption finalization.
Get Away - Whether this child will be your first child or you already have children at home, the adoption wait is a good time to get away from the everyday stresses of your life. You could just into a local hotel or resort or travel to a hotspot destination. Use this time to relax and get your mind focused on one of the most important things in life--your family. Because adoption can be very expensive, you may not have the funds to plan an extensive trip to a tropical island for a few weeks. If this is the case, plan a little vacation right in your own home. Take time off of work and just focus on enjoying some time alone or with your family.
Enduring the adoption wait can become debilitating and it can even feel like you're suffocating. It can easily become overwhelming in a matter of days or weeks. But, if you try out some of the suggestions above, you will find that the wait is more manageable. When the wait becomes endurable, you will become more at ease and you will be able to appreciate the process all the more. Think of this time as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, strengthen your weaknesses, and improve on your strengths. You'll be a better, stronger person because of it, and that will make adoption finalization even sweeter
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