Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The day he took my name

When I think back to the adoption path one of the happiest days for me was the day my son took my name. I remember going to Dr visits and feeling so strange that my child had another persons name. Knowing that he would wear my name was a really great day that I look back on with pride. It was also the finalization hearing and so after that, our adoption journey was complete. After having a struggle to get to that point the finalization hearing turned out to be uneventful. The judge called us back to his office, we took some pictures and we were done. Aiden was my son the day I took him home from the hospital but when he took my name it was my aha moment. A day I will always remember.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Waiting Game

We finished our IMPACT classes about 3 weeks ago. We are now in the waiting game. The part of the process where you wait to become active. It also happens when you wait for being matched. Then if you are going through a regular adoption you go wait some more for the baby to be born. Then you wait for parents rights to be terminated, then you wait some more for the final trial. When our son was born the adoption was finalized in December. On the last day that they were to finalize adoptions for my county. I am so glad that we finalized before the end of the year because I couldn't wait to get my tax refund. :)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Nesting - No you are not crazy

In the animal kingdom as with expecting mothers there is a somewhat humorous phase referred to as Nesting. During this phase the mother, acting on a primal instinct, has a tendency to prepare the “nest” for the arrival of the child. Parents preparing to adopt and awaiting the arrival of their new child have reported experiencing this phase as well.

Adoptive mothers have reported experiencing this phase particularly close to the arrival of their referral and in the weeks that lead up bring their child home permanently. Mothers who have birthed children or adopted previously claim to experience this phase again. My wife was nesting and totally wanted the nursery done. Walls painted and curtains and bookshelf and pictures.. The whole works. This seemed to help busy her while she/we waited on the match. HINT - Just remember to paint the walls a neutral color. We had to go this route because we didn't know if we were having a girl or a boy.

Just as with biologically expecting mothers there may be an urge to clean one’s house from top to bottom, rearrange everything, and sanitize, sanitize, sanitize. Adoptive parents, but especially mothers, desire to complete the furnishing and decoration of the new child’s bedroom. The preparation of this room is icing on the cake and a reminder of the life that is about to come home and inhabit that space. In addition, in a time of very little control and a lot of waiting nesting behaviors can give adoptive parents a sense of control as they in are charge of the home preparation.

The expert advise is to have fun with the nesting phase without being irrational! Bring other family members into the preparation and planning as much as possible, particularly siblings that may feel left out by the sudden attention taken away from them and onto re-organization of the closet for the 3rd time!

As you nest at home, whether you are an adoptive mother or father, do not forget to prepare your heart and the emotional needs of the members of your family for the arrival of your precious new child. Some things are more important than fresh paint and a dirt free floor.

Have fun preparing the nest!

TIP>>Watch the movie Juno - great clip of nesting.